So the Cranky Flier is off on some boondoggle. But rather than give you, his loyal readers, a few days off from his pearls of wisdom on the aviation industry, he called on some of his few friends to fill in as guest bloggers. In my day job, I’m the editrix of Aviation Week’s Towers and Tarmacs blog, covering the wild, wonderful world of airports.

So of course, I’m going to write about what I know best. My sister is a police officer on the West Coast. She really loves her job, and is addicted to all shows law enforcement. But she recently started watching the A&E cable show “Airline,” which covers Southwest Airlines in its larger airports. Sister couldn’t believe how ridiculous people act in airports, and I had to tell her that even in these post-9/11, tight security times, bad behavior still abounds.

The Transportation Security Administration (TSA) web site is a virtual gold mine of things that screeners catch in passengers’ bags, including guns, a belt buckle knife, a torch lighter, fireworks and assorted drugs. I am amazed that people still try and bring guns through security – or conveniently “forget” that the gun is in there in the first place. And I could write a separate blog just on the escapades of celebrity “incidents” at airports. But let’s just look at a few examples of exactly what’s been going on at airports around the world.

Drugs and rampers don’t mix. How many times have I written about airport and airline ramp employees being caught smuggling drugs, guns and illegal goods, taking advantage of their positions? Our friends at the Gadling blog tell us about 4 baggage handlers at Madrid Barajas Airport who worked with “loaders” to smuggle cocaine into the country.

Get to the airport earlier next time. Next we have an article from the New York Daily News. Rosalinda Baez, described as an executive earning $190,000 a year as a consultant for Dell with homes in Manhattan and Texas, was arrested after she was denied boarding on a JetBlue flight after the jetway was closed. Instead of just waiting for the next flight or making arrangements, Baez instead decided to get the plane to come back by asking what the gate agent would do if there was a bomb in her suitcase, which was on the aircraft she missed. She also raged against TSA and its policies. She was questioned and arrested by the FBI. She was released on $200,000 bond and is banned from flying JetBlue until the matter is resolved.

Drinking and airplanes don’t mix. Boston TV station general manager Randi Goldklank must have been drinking the same water as Baez, because she had her own incident at Logan airport. According to the Boston Globe, Goldklank came off a Delta Air Lines flight smelling of alcohol and was screaming and causing a disturbance at the gate. Airport police were called to try and calm her down. But instead she struck an officer, said she was a “big shot” that would have all the police officers’ jobs. Goldklank was charged with disorderly conduct, resisting arrest and assault and battery on a police officer, and was placed on leave from the television station.

Snoop Dogg is vindicated. As I mentioned in the beginning of this post, Snoop has had his issues at airports. Back in 2006, Snoop and his “posse” were in a brawl in British Airways’ first class lounge at Heathrow (which I’ve been in – sweet) after employees asked some of them to leave. The dust-up caused the rapper to be banned from BA and the government to reject his visa into the UK. But a UK judge has ruled that Snoop can get a visa, since the fight was “precipitated by decisions made by BA staff and police,” according to the Times. The judge said he couldn’t find any evidence that Snoop had even been responsible for the brawl, agreeing with a ruling made by an immigration judge back in January. All’s well that ends well.

And speaking to Heathrow and ending well, I thought I’d end this post with this YouTube link. It’s a hilarious song about the disaster that is the new Terminal 5. Enjoy, and pop over to see me at the Towers and Tarmacs blog anytime!

There were a couple of interesting things to come out of Alaska Air Group’s first quarter earnings last week. The most interesting item? Horizon will drop all of its 20 CRJ-700 aircraft in the next 2 years. That combined with the previously announced ditching of the smaller Q200 aircraft means that the airline will only operate 48 of the 76-seat Q400s. That’s a major downscaling of the airline, but Horizon expects to be able to shrink its workforce through attrition.

It’s a very interesting move for an airline that serves some pretty long routes. What about some of those longer flights that the CR7 flew? Flights like LAX to Portland and Santa Barbara to Seattle? Assuming that’s too far for the Q400 to fly (is that even a fair assumption?), the smallest plane in the Alaska fleet will be the 737-700 which seats 124. Can they justify putting that much more capacity on some of these routes? I’m not sure.

Questions at the other end of the spectrum arose when Horizon decided to ditch its smaller Q200 aircraft. Can Wenatchee, Lewiston, and Pendleton really support flights on planes that seat 76 people? I’d be surprised. I sense some big route changes coming as they rationalize the fleet.

Meanwhile, big brother Alaska has also announced a variety of fee changes that are bound to annoy travelers, no matter how necessary they are.

Alaska Airlines and Horizon Air plan to raise certain fees to better align them with the current costs of providing added services. These include increasing the charge for booking through reservations and airport sales agents from $10 to $15, raising the fee for overweight baggage from $25 to $50, increasing the charge for transporting pets in the cabin from $75 to $100 one-way, and raising the unaccompanied minor fee from $30 to $75 for one-way nonstop flights and from $60 to $75 for connecting flights. The increases are effective May 21, 2008. By summer, the airlines also will begin charging $25 for a second checked bag. First class and top-tier Mileage Plan members and customers on flights within the state of Alaska will be exempt from the new fee.

That’s a lot of change, but I suppose desperate times call for desperate measures.

An interesting little merger attempt popped up on Friday that, as Holly Hegeman says, looks like a squeeze play. SkyWest has announced that it wants to buy ExpressJet for $3.50 a share.

The airline was hovering just over the $2 a share mark before the announcement, so this is a nice little premium. ExpressJet, however, thinks it’s worth more than that and has turned the offer down. It got more interesting on Friday afternoon when it came out that Continental is also behind this thing.

Continental hasn’t been happy with the relatively hight costs of the ExpressJet contract, and it has apparently told ExpressJet that it will remove 51 of the aircraft under contract beginning in December 2009. At the same time, it went and cut a deal with SkyWest on a broad new deal that will only go into effect if the takeover occurs. So, SkyWest buys ExpressJet and offers to fly for Continental for less. Continental tells ExpressJet that they either do it or they’re going to start walking. Wow, it sucks to be ExpressJet.

I have to think that if SkyWest wins, the ExpressJet standalone operation will probably be toast. That’s really too bad, since I’ve always thought it was a good idea. But with oil where it is right now, those 50 seat jets (and really, any plane in general) don’t look very good anywhere. And SkyWest probably will want to remain focused on the feeder operation, I’d think.

But why does SkyWest want a bunch more 50 seaters? No matter what the reason, I’m sure the ExpressJet guys are feeling very, very somber right now.

Those of you who have been reading Cranky for awhile will remember back in October I asked which airline I should fly to Peru for a trip in the seemingly distant future. Well guess what? It’s time for that trip.

A whopping 59% of you said you’d opt for the LAN nonstop from LAX to Lima, and I have of course decided to listen to you. So, my fiancee and I head out this weekend for a week and a half of relaxation down there.

There’s good news and bad news, of course. The bad news is that I’m not even going to bring a computer with me. That means that when crazy news breaks, I won’t be able to talk about it until I return. Will US Airways buy Aeroflot? Maybe Alitalia will turn around and takeover BA. Could there be a brand new ATC system up and running in the US by the time I return in a couple weeks?. The possibilities are endless, but I won’t write about it while I’m away.

The good news is that I’ve got a full slate of posts ready for you while I’m gone. Some of them are my own, but I’ve also got some guest spots from one or two industry people that I’m sure you’ll enjoy.

Now, the other bad news is that comments on this blog are moderated, and I won’t be around to moderate them. I may have some people checking in to approve them, but if not, I promise to approve if I find an internet cafe. At the very least, they’ll be approved when I return.

So, enjoy the next couple weeks. I’ll have a full trip report when I get back.

Poor Frontier. When they look out their windows, they must see Canyon Blue-colored vultures circling the premises. There’s no question that Southwest is going in for the kill. This week, Southwest said it would once again pump up its Denver flying.

First, here are the details. On June 4, Southwest will add an eighth daily nonstop between Denver and Vegas. The airline will also start twice daily service between Denver and both Portland and Indianapolis. On August 23, San Antonio gets a second flight from Denver.

The Southwest route map from Denver is starting to look quite similar to the Frontier map. Really, the big cities are mostly covered and now Southwest is getting into the secondary ones. To compound the problem, Frontier also announced this week that it would be terminating its contract with Republic to do some regional flying for them. That means they will no longer serve Missoula, Sioux City, Jacksonville, Little Rock, Tulsa, and former mini-hub Memphis. None of those are cities to which Southwest flies nonstop from Denver, so that means Frontier will only have even MORE exposure to the airline. The Republic service must have been an unbelievably poor performer for Frontier to want to ditch it that quickly.

This effectively leaves Lynx and its small fleet of Q400s (they launched Durango the same day this Southwest release came out) to keep the airline away from Southwest, but that’s not going to really cut it. Sadly, Frontier’s time may be up soon.

The airline is in bankruptcy, very low on cash, and looking for funding. With Southwest moving in heavily on Frontier’s only stronghold, I think it’s going to be tough to find someone willing to pour money into the airline. It’s sad, because I really like flying Frontier, but I just don’t know how they can get out of this mess.