Raise your hand if you’re ready to enter Cranky’s first contest. Ok, put your hands down now. I can’t see them anyway. (By the way, if you’re a new Cranky visitor, welcome! Please throw some comments out there, and sign yourself up for my daily email.)
I’m very happy to be teaming up with BottleWise to celebrate (curse?) the upcoming 2nd anniversary of the TSA liquid ban. We might as well try to have some fun with it, despite how much we hate it.
You want details? I got details. You have from right now until 9p Pacific Time on August 15 to come up with your best six word summary about the liquid ban. Just come up with your best entry (actually, as many entries as you’d like, but you can only win one prize) and enter it in the comments section below. Once the contest is over, we’ll pick the winners and let you know right here on the blog. The big winner will get a 4GB iPod Nano® while the three runners-up will each get a BottleWise Duo™ wine travel bag.
Why six words? Legend has it Ernest Hemingway responded to a challenge to write a six-word story with what he said was his best work: “For sale: baby shoes. Never used.” Here’s my best shot so far, though sadly I can’t pick myself as the winner.
“Ziplocs make for neglected toiletry bags”
Now it’s your turn.
¡Buena suerte! (That’s “good luck” for those who are Spanish-ly challenged.) Leave your responses in the comments section below.
Terms and Conditions
Contest open only to legal residents of the 50 United States and Washington, D.C., 21 years or older at time of entry. There is no purchase necessary to enter or to win, nor is there any cost to register. This is an online-only contest. The Contestant is deemed to be the holder of the established email account associated with the entry. BottleWise LLC and The Cranky Flier reserve the right to reject and disqualify any submissions which, in their sole discretion, are deemed to be offensive or in any way inappropriate. BottleWise LLC and the Cranky Flier assume no responsibility for entries unable to be processed for any technical reason. Contest closes Aug. 15, 2008, at 9:00 p.m. Pacific.
For a complete description of contest Rules, Terms and Conditions click here.
Edited 8/5 @ 254p to remove the “s” from Buena Suerte. Fat fingers, apparently . . . (and no, the irony is not lost on me).
I check bags because of you
My dop kit cries. It’s lonely.
Nineteen hijackers, combine liquids, go boom.
Wife uses my entire freedom baggie.
Effective lobbying subsidizes Ziploc corporate profits.
But red wine is my medicine!
Buy liquids when you get there.
Bring Bag; Quart Only; Six Ounce
TSA starts news business: dehydrated water
ha! love it, Cranky.
At first thought the only thing that comes to mind when thinking of how I try to sneak through with my 2-3 overloaded baggies is:
Don’t confiscate my 4 ounce deodorant.
Global War on Toiletries turns two
“Goofy Policy Subsidizes Jetway Businesses”
“One Bad Apple Spoils Whole Bunch”
“Liquid Ban, Luggage Fees, Revenue Solution”
“Ziploc Property: TSA Naked Pix?”
I’m gonna quit while I’m ahead. Lest the government accuse me of something other than patriotism.
Bottled water is not a crime.
America: Land of the thirsty traveler.
But frozen water is a solid!
Liquids banned, terrorists win. Liberty weeps.
Kip Hawley is a complete idiot.
Wasted time. Canadians apparently not welcome.
There. That’s six words.
Freedom dies, three ounces each time.
Oh, is water a liquid too?
Ironically, wet blankets enforce liquids ban.
But my baby needs her milk
Thirsty? go elsewhere. We’ll Take it.
Checked birthday bottles seized, officers party.
Balloon fits in rectum. Salmanazar doesn’t.
Duty-free bottles confiscated on connecting flights.
(Also Canadian- so not eligible..)
Mascara? Not so fast, my dear!
Buena Suerte (for the Spanish-ly challenged – no “s”)
Springtime in Vermont. Syrup stained Uggs.
soak passengers on bottled water price
Who needs water to live, anyway?
George Orwell was right. Drink up.
Dehydrated water still permitted on aircraft.
What next? Swimsuits only, no luggage.
Aircraft deicing fluid works just fine.
Liquids are banned? To the sink!
That’s lube. That’s a condom. So?
No more stealing tiny hotel shampoos.
Liquid Ban Dumber Than Paris Hilton
Zip-loc Accused Of Conspiring with TSA
4 ounces doesn’t make planes explode.
My bladder can carry 15 ounces.
I should have bought Ziploc stock.
Surrender 3.7 ounces of freedom weekly.
TSA can’t convert ounces to milileters.
My deodorant is clear solid, idiot.
The last one is from the day they enacted the total ban. A TSA drone took away my deodorant, looking confused when I tried to explain the concept of a clear stick.
TSA and Zip-loc Piss Off Al Gore
empty seats and empty economy
They have got to be kidding!
Half-empty 6oz bottle still SOL!
Sorry baby, you’ll have to wait.
Working security since fired from McDonald’s.
Pardon my odor, no perfume allowed.
TSA toiletry terrorists took two tubes.
Yikes! Forgot Baggie! Favorite Cologne GONE!
Sheesh! Stop showing my baggie around!
2 Years, 3 Ounces, Million headaches.
Restroom water never tasted so good.
Bombs don’t kill, large liquids do
Liquid safety provided by small minds
Big gulps are big dangers
Focus on pointless liquid inconvenience
“TSA: Keeping Safe By Keeping Dry”
“Iraq as WMD’s, and water kills”
“I’m 75% water. Am I next?”
“TSA: Water sucks. It really, really sucks.” (ok, so I completely plagiarized that from The Waterboy)
the second one should (obviously) read “Iraq has WMD’s, and water kills.”
increased revenue; buy liquids in terminals
TSA Lady loves my expensive hairspray.
The maid tossed my Ziploc bag.
I chugged red wine in line!
Baby bottle battle! Splash hits TSA!
TSA Training: Three-One-One=Five
Three-One-One! Airport Profits Fly!
Thanks for allowing my knife onboard!
Offered: water bottle and first born
TSA: Because loose liquids sink airships.
Suck it up before you fly!
Tolerant travelers hope for safe skies.
No makeup..perfume..or.hairspray? UnAmerican!
Syringe is to refill my bottles!
Hypoallergenic TSA takes perfume away. YAY!
Bar soap = shampoo, bodywash, shaving cream
it’s not a bomb; only vodka
This “security theater” doesn’t protect us!
The TSA is out of control.
What about all the shipping containers?
All together, refuse to remove shoes!
What happened to the Fourth Amendment?
Who benefits? Just follow the money!
Today’s TSA, making driving fun again.
You can’t make bombs with toothpaste.
Toothpaste, water, and gel.. oh my!
Bottled water prices skyrocket, wonder why?
May I see your papers please!?!?
TSA really means “Thousands Standing Around”.
What’s next? Full body X-Ray? Oh…
Don’t pack Chanel, lest TSA swindle.
I drink. I fly. I cry.
Wish b***ards had used liter bottles!
Beware liquids, three ounces or more.
“Is my toothpaste considered a liquid?”
“Liquid: that which may go boom”
“To check or not to check.”
“Liquids: lacking a definition since 2006.”
Don’t whine. Let us carry wine.
“Person in front: read the sign.”
Avoid TSA hassles…try flying dry.
Got Milk? not anymore. we’re TSA.
The Frogs stole my toothpaste.
“My frustration is over three ounces!”
“How do you zip a Ziploc?
“How do you bottle up perspiration?”
“But it looks like baby formula!”
TSA: helping camels fly since 2006.
drink it. dump it. check it.
$300 ticket = ripoff. $5 water = priceless.
no liquids makes a flier cranky.
no liquids equals a cranky flier.
liquid bans equal a cranky flier.
liquid bans make a flier cranky.
patriots double bag it for safety.
“TSA wants your unopened bottled water”
“D.A.R.E. to give TSA your water”
ziplock bags make me a patriot
Toss church key or Purgatory line.
contest–there’s only dry humour in abstinence
Water’s a buck, thanks USAirways.
Grandma’s rum cake recipe for sale
Summer flight: winter sweaters shelter wine
No water…water for one dollar!
Kip Hawley is a fucking idiot.
Two years later, water still dangerous
Still no respite for parched travelers
Travelers start labeling water “prescription medication”
For that matter:
Travelers start labeling booze “prescription medication”
One more variation:
Travelers label vodka as “breast milk”
Security has dry sense of humor.
Security cries wolf – liquids, aerosols, gels
People are 80% water – 80% banned?
Liquids rules – Osama laughing at us.
TSA seizes Toothpaste, Soda, and Aftershave.
My freedom baggie keeps me safe?
Big bin of confiscated items…ha!
Take my toiletries…and my freedom!
TSA perpetuates fear; Osama is jealous.
The Fourth Amendment is for pussies.
Illegal search and seizure? F—ing TSA.
My bra is my toiletry bag
U.S.A. TSA MEANS TAKES STUFF AWAY!
Terrorists scare me less than TSA.
Total scam invented by Hudson News.
Three ounces never seemed so small.
Hydration was once an easier proposition.
Liberty no longer allows liquid access.
Today it’s liquid, tomorrow it’s clothes.
Today we drink, tomorrow we fly.
Water prices at gate: a bitch.
Pour me out, throw me away
3 Ounces, 1 Quart,1 Bag
Why are travel toiletries 3+ Ounces?
Today, 3 ounces. Tomorrow, it’s you!
“Old bag(gie)” takes on new meaning.
Ice? Yogurt? Pudding? Applesauce? New world!
Ziploc stock triples over two years!
Once upon a time, passengers “bagged it”
“Will anyone give him/her a Ziploc?”
TSA means Try to Snuff All
TSA means Try to Stuff All
TSA means Try to Stress All
TSA: A Drier Way to Fly Today
TSA: Try, Suppose the worst, Alienate all.
Love means traveling without any liquids.
Desert conditions, bad hair= safe flight!
Why would you THINK that’s okay?
Haven’t you traveled in two years?
Have you ever traveled with baggies before?
Don’t you understand about potential terrorists?
This is what your government wants.
This is what your government requires.
I’m just doing my job, okay?
Go over there and empty your bag.
Can’t you read? Don’t you understand?
You just bought this wine? So?
You’re really holding up the line.
I don’t care how much it cost.
No, I can not make an exception.
No, that bottle does not look empty.
Go to the end of the line.
Go check it–or toss it.
3 is the magic number today!
That doesn’t look like 3 ounces.
Your prescription? Did you write this?
This is mouthwash? It’s not green!
Who told you mascara was OK?
Why didn’t you bring a baggie along?
It’s not me–it’s the law.
lots of random thoughts; most of which I have heard at airports in the last 2 years!
Incompetent slackers in white, long delays
No liquids on planes? How Kafkaesque
I got your liquid, right HERE.
TSA sucks big green donkey dicks!
Ziplock Industry Goverment Support by TSA!
Give me freedom, give me water.
Soggy stuff crammed together no bomb
Lining underpants with shampoo since 2006.
No breastmilk unless you have boobs.
Water is for crashing, not flying.
Celebrating 100,000,000 bottles abandoned at security.
Liquids equal terror? In what stratosphere?
Lady Liberty weeps 3 ounce tears.
No more secure, but much thirstier.
Heck of a job, Kip Hawley.
9-11 changed everything; toothpaste now dangerous.
Fear will keep populace in check.
Boo! Terrorists will kill with liquids!
Oh how I hate the TSA.
Security theater less entertaining than vaudville.
Magicians use misdirection. So does TSA.
Hero TSO confiscated water, saved plane.
Patrick Henry wouldn’t stand for this.
Do you want to fly today?
I left my wine in SF.
No more wine?
I won’t whine.
Gallon Ziploc, angry agent, go shopping
TSA bans hydration!
This prevents obliteration?
“My Bladder is Carrying 12oz On”
Curly hair needs product. Flying = Frizz.
seuliment humide reves passe ce point!
solo sogni bagnati passato questo punto!
solo suenos humedos passado este punto!
What’s next…my spit? ENOUGH ALREADY!!
That ugly rash? Used hotel shampoo.
Safe yet ?
You can have my water when you pry it from my cold dead hands.
(Sure, it’s not six words, but it’s how I feel.)
Saving airlines money by reducing flushes.
“Three-three-one” is so silly.
Did we declare war on moisture?
No Zin but a stick pin?
The rules apply to you, too.
42 3oz bottles make a gallon
Liquid policy complaint? Added to watchlist!
Death before Dehydration!
TSA-No Apologies,No Refunds,Ever!
Next Stop Guantanamo!
Barcodes on Foreheads next,any questions?
Note to TSA: Terrorists don’t drink.
Help Stamp Out Civil Rights-TSA
And I want to fly because??
Laphroaig 30, security, no checked bags
Ridiculous rule, Libations Prohibited, Universe Ending!!
Clear Sucks, Cheney Halliburton make money!
Gestapo thieves your wine and gel
long lines bare feet American Gestapo!
Gun smugglers to Puerto Rico TSA
jewelry thieves employed by the TSA
scum at the airport TSA jackboots
betcha George don’t fly with TSA
lip gloss is not a threat.
two years later, we’re still thirsty
bottla red, bottla white,none onflight.
spill drip pour.bottle no more.
TSA, driving airport revenue since 2006
Lousy. Late. Lost Luggage. Leaking Liquids.
TSAngel has extra baggie, vodka safe!
Baby busted! No more tears feared!
Boozer Busted. Buckaroos bag bottled beer.
(T)housands (S)tanding (A)round, drinking my booze!
Self loading cargo! No liquids! Fun!!!!!!
Alcohol Stealing Terrorists(TSA Backwards)
Who needs Prohibition ? We Have TSA.
Never fear – we’re dry and safe!
War on terror leaves me parched.
It was a gift from Mom.
I promise I won’t tell anyone.
Here, take my only child instead.
This is for medicinal purposes only.
It’s a present for Grandma Nana
Drink, party…than get on line.
Who’s in charge of the take-a-ways?
Grandma’s sick. Only this will help.
I’ll drink if before take off.
This isn’t what it looks like.
TSA made new term: Dry “Country”
Sealed bottle illegal before Security? Dumb!
Invest in rail travel. It’s faster.
Hair gel MAKES the bombshell!
Parched tongue woe- no H2O.
It’s not heavy,It’s my Whisky.
No shoes, no shampoo, NO SERVICE!
Oh No, Liquids! Cavity Check!
No, Sorry. This is 3.1 Ounces
My Chateau Lafite-
I miss only removing my shoes…
TSA stands for
Terrorist snickering abounds
Sadly, drinking and flying don’t mix.
Need more shampoo in hotel sizes.
Just how much is three ounces?
Big profits for airport water vendors.
“I call it ‘Transportation Stultifying (mis-)Administration.”
For those SAT-challenged among us (I’d suggest that any of the three meanings fits):
–verb (used with object), -fied, -fy·ing. 1. to make, or cause to appear, foolish or ridiculous.
2. to render absurdly or wholly futile or ineffectual, esp. by degrading or frustrating means: Menial work can stultify the mind.
3. Law. to allege or prove (oneself or another) to be of unsound mind.
[Origin: 1760–70; < LL stultific?re, equiv. to L stult(us) stupid + -i- -i- + -fic?re -fy]
—Synonyms 2. cripple, impede, frustrate, hinder, thwart.
Liquids lost, bottles tossed, feelin’ bossed.
OK, I’ll just drink it here.
Hey, Flight Junkie. That’s seven words.
311 rule? Terrorists’ aftermath creates delays.
Ironically being soaked by the TSA.
Bye bye sealed, uneaten yogurt. Why??
Buy again after security. Higher price.
TSA drinks, eats on my dime.
Can’t drink in front of TSA. Why??
World traveler done flying. Thanks TSA!!
Weary. Long lines. Late. TSA scoffs.
Picnic knife tours world until USA.
Or, to be more distinctive:
“Cleverly being soaked by the TSA”
“The TSA retirement plan raises questions.”
TSA sez: Feel thirsty? Try Greyhound!
In cahoots with gift shops? Probably
Water purchased inside is much safer.
Keep buying tiny tubes of toothpaste.
Razor, no problem. Shaving cream dangerous!
What about liquids inside my body?
Can’t fit fake boobs in baggie.
Three One One Is Really Dumb
Thousands Standing Around Make Stupid Rules
Grandma Cried “TSA Took My Fixodent!”
TSA Won’t Cry Over Spilled Milk
No Free Drink
In This Clink
or Succor : Note looks better in the OLDE English SUCCOUR
Checking your liquids means no baggie.
Not funny, but true…
I love the one about the “dry” sense of humor. Brilliant!
I can buy
It can fly
Liquids In Quarts Unless In Diapers
Duty free? Glug glug. I’m drunk.
If not dry, It won’t fly
Shampoo? Mouthwash? Facecream?
You weren’t actually thirsty, were you?
Waterboarding banned for terrorists and passengers
Got milK? Not on my flight
Lose weight with TSA’s Liquid Diet
Here’s a few to chew on:
Enslave no more! Free our liquids!
Liquids should be shared, not imprisoned.
Stop wasting plastic by captivating liquids.
Ban more liquids, buy Ziploc stock!
Freedom is slavery. Ban more liquids.
Who needs water on a flight?
Baggies – helping to miniaturize our world.
Shouldn’t three ounces really be enough?
Because small is the new big.
If at first you don’t exceed….
“Water, water, everywhere?” Nope. Sorry, Coleridge.
make my rumcake, a double, please
no bottles make me dull boy
no bottle no fly choo choo
where will my genie get dressed
Get high on 3oz or less
Flying: Where 3oz gets you high
Where the glass is half empty
My cup runneth over no more
Fabulous liquid cornucopia for airport employees
Bottlewise and Gladbags Business Plan: TSA
Per TSA video, Boston allows liquids!
Two by two, hands of blue
Stealing Bottles from Babies since 2006.
USA: We are a Dry Country.
TSA: Wait, Prohibition has been repealed?
TSA = Totally Subjective Administration
“Forgotten” in carryon = no ziplock needed
Half empty Bottle(wise) is still full
For sale: Recovered toiletries. Make offer.
Three total tolerated, toothpaste too treacherous!
Stop at two! Just for you!
I’d love to help, but I can’t.
Don’t you read papers or websites?
You really won’t like my answer.
I can’t help you at all.
You need to go to the counter.
Listen! Move! Go back over there!
Honey, they think you are a terrorist.
Why take anything on with you?
Special from (Columbus/Cincy/Chicago/add a one word)? It don’t fly….
No Pert, no goos, fo’ service
Hell no to no hair gel
Friends don’t let friends carry liquids.
Ha! Two jiggers per three-ounce bottle.
And if I win, you can reach me at susanoa (at) hotmail.com.
Thanx for sponsoring this!
No big bottles to carry around.
Poke hole let liquid out.
2 years – long time between drinks.
2 years sober. Thanks airport security.
Big liquids make TSA feel insecure.
:( I just realized you have to be 21.
This is too ridiculous to comment
Parched. Putrid. Petrified. Secure my freedoms.
Bad hair day in the making
I vote for Mark Ashley:
“Bottled water is not a crime”
“Bob Marley’s No liquid, no cry”
“Mo’ money for near-gate merchants”
“1 bag, 3 ounces, my ass”
“1 bag, 3 ounces, my foot”
“Bag it, check it, or garbage”
“Anti-Fins: no Liquid by The Rasmus”
(kudos if you actually get the hidden meanings here – Liquid is a song by the Finnish band, The Rasmus)
“Solids and Gas: Cool, Liquid: Not”
“No bourbon, no scotch, no beer”
“Mini-me loves the TSA!”
Laws that can change your life
2020 Headline: What were they thinking?
Water wasted; plastic dumps; landfill crisis
Airport bins; American excess; Earth’s wasteland
Water: mankind’s most precious commodity wasted
Confiscated toiletries; ugly passengers; smelly aircraft
Future generations’ curse: water shortage worldwide
Boycott airport retailers; laws change quickly
Our legacy: they just didn’t care
effective security theater requires inane subjectivity
Take the Chertoff my back, too.
Taking a sip isn’t enough anymore
To Stupid to Argue about it
137 passingers 137 3oz bottles hmmmmmmm
Everyone so thirsty right before checkpoints.
Emptying water bottles with no shoes.
three ounces or one hundred milliliters?
inconsistent rules, bah! the clueless rules.
No makeup, no meds, no hygiene!
They didn’t even ask about them.
Ban liquid, bag charges, security, extortion?
Just announced–$15 toiletry bag charge.
Just announced–$15 plastic baggy charge.
Liquids tossed save South from drought.
Don’t whine over wine. Use BottleWise.
Uncle Sam wants my LIP GLOSS???
“Helping preserve the earth’s water resources.”
“Three ounce limit equal gallons inconvenience!”
“Waste the BIG, save the LITTLE.”
“Common sense not available three ounces!”
“Needed: One ounce of common sense!”
Hey – those are gel-filled bra staps!
Three course meals okay. Water? Nope!
Stow it, chug it or lose it
Stow it, chug it, lose it
Stow and stash, instead of trash
Liquids-free, high altitude equals cranky attitude.
Liquids-free at high altitude=cranky attitude.
Cranky attitude: Liquids-free at high altitude.
Flying wine-less makes cranky fliers whiny.
Why whine? Pack wine. Fly wisely.
Why whine? Pack wine. Fly happy.
Fly secure: Pack liquids and wine.
Fly secure: Pack liquids alongside wine.
Fly secure: Pack liquids and bottles.
Fly secure: Pack liquids alongside bottles.
Pack your liquids alongside your wine.
Pack your liquids alongside your bottles.
Don’t carry on! Relax. Pack bottles.
Don’t whine. Get wise. Check bottles.
Don’t whine. Get wise. Check wine.
Sad but true, small size wins.
Scope they seize while overlooking weaponry.
Simple minds. Simple plan. No assurance.
…and I still feel no safer.
3 oz. water bottle doesn’t exist.
60% body weight. TSA worst nightmare.
Plastics rule. Papers drool. TSA wins.
ounce by ounce flying is draining
The mini-travel container industry is booming!
The mini/travel container industry is booming!
The mini-travel container industry is hot!
The mini/travel container industry is hot!
Taking the f out of flying
Damn! cant carry my booze anymore
First my shoes, now my booze.
I’m made up of 75% water!
Can’t we all just get along?
Mix 6 x 3 ounces go boom!
Mix contents of baggie, go boom!
Overturn the ban,
Quench your thirst,
Drink more wine.
#2. Carry on water,
But don’t disobey,
Eventually, get your way!
#3. Elixir of life,
Wine is fantastic,
Drink some today.
TSA security theater begets no safety.
TSA security lie, liquid ban bogus.
Osama bin Ladin works for CIA
Klepticans killed Constitution; nobody cared, cried
No fly till TSA no more
Water on Mars, not on plane.
Sack the liquids for my safety.
TSA conveniently forcing organization on toiletries
It’s no big deal to comply
Small plastic bottles inside plastic bag
I decided to crank a few more:
Limited Liquids cause citizen complaints
TSA Rules: Neither Transportation Nor Safety
TSA Winning War 3.7oz by 3.7oz
TSA: Winning War liquid by liquid
Ziploc must write regs, TSA lapdog
TSA: Poor thinking beats good logic (everytime)
Liquid? No! Well maybe three ounces…
Creating false security through stupid rules
The TSA: We’re right, you’re wrong.
TSA: Hating on Arabs since 2001
Useless rules, no likey, no flyey
Trust uncle Kip for plane safety
Polluting the Earth, bag by bag
Say it loud: F@#k the TSA!
Now I steal more hotel swag.
This one is for all of the moms of young children who travel:
Breastmilk tossed + hungry baby = terrorists win
And because I cannot believe I actually had this conversation,
Ice is a solid, you dumbass.
TSA: Rules on the fly, suckers
TSA, 1 2 3
How do I feel about the TSA ban on liquids?
I feel SO much safer now!
I came, I three-ounced, I denounced
Medication baggie? No HIPAA Compliance here!
Cranky fliers mean the terrorists win.
Don’t be cranky else terrorists win.
Terrorists lose when fliers fly happy.
Fly happy and the terrorists lose.
Empty overhead bins equals more room!
Empty overhead bins now storing passengers.
“My colostomy bag has never recovered”
I do denounce the three ounce
A new source for liquidity: TSA
Hand check please? Now running late.
Kindergarten redux: who can follow directions?
Tiny toothpaste. Will I run out?
Fascists have nothing better to do?
Don’t bogart that water my friend.
Don’t bogart that wine my friend.
Don’t bogart that deodorant my friend!
Got Glad stock? I got smart.
Got Glad Stock? I got rich.
No Water. No Pepsi. Know peace?
Three ounce Everclear gets me drunk
Expensive. Inconvenient. False sense of security.
Ok, thanks for playing everyone. The contest is now closed. Keep visiting Cranky early next week and I’ll post the winners!