Topic of the Week: The True Meaning of Thanksgiving


I hope you’re all filled with turkey and stuffing after yesterday. Now, let’s talk about how your trip out was. Did you get stuck in any long lines? Bad weather? Horrible delays? Or did everything go just fine? Robert Stack is once again here to give his take on the True Meaning of Thanksgiving. Did you have a more productive holiday than he did?

Dear traveler,

A magical time of year is in sight. For while many eagerly await holiday celebrations and family gatherings, a select few will come to know the True Meaning of Thanksgiving.

Thanksgiving is not a time to give thanks.

Thanksgiving is a time to get bumped.

For many, it is time to fly. Fares are high and airports are crowded, but the short Thanksgiving holiday with its front loaded festivities drives droves of people to fight for their right to fly there and back.

But it is not easy. For everyone–man, woman, child, and elderly–possesses, deep within, a heart of darkness. And it is this new discovery by the Transportation Security Administration that leads us to new Thanksgiving traditions: X-raying, remote nude viewing, touching, feeling, groping, and humiliating so many who wish to leave such experiences in their distant memories. The devotee of the bump must gird for this new hurdle to reach their true goal. But only by passing through adversity can one appreciate the rewards that await at the other side of the checkpoint. For any holiday meals are best
savored by getting bumped to the day after Thanksgiving, if not the day after that, with freebies stacked high in hand.

Alas, some who have found the True Meaning of Thanksgiving, years past, can become disillusioned. Not every holiday flight oversells, and not every airline at every airport fills the halls with cries for volunteers. Oh, but I am one of those who has lost his way. For after some lean, voucher free Thanksgivings, I am sinking to a new low: I will stay home. No travels, no airports, no junk waiting to be touched, no airplanes, and, sadly, no bumping. There must be others who are felled by the same sad tale. Those who know and follow the path to riches must help the fallen find their way, so that more may reaffirm the
joyous bounty that comes with this glorious season.

With fine flying wishes,


Links to The True Meaning of Thanksgiving, years past:

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8 comments on “Topic of the Week: The True Meaning of Thanksgiving

  1. I’m not traveling this holiday weekend and spent Thanksgiving with my relatives. And trust me…….X-raying, remote nude viewing, touching, feeling, groping would be a lot better then spending the day with my relatives……LOL.

    1. In some states, remote nude viewing, touching, feeling, and groping ARE part of spending the day with relatives.

  2. Expecting hordes of travelers I arrived Denver at 3pm for my 7pm fight. I found almost zero lines (maybe 10-15 people ahead of me) I cleared in a breeze, and also none of the four pax in my queue were directed to the body scanner. All were sent to the metal detector – (My own anecdote of TSA avoiding opt outs by removing the opportunity to opt out.)

    Thankfully I have a favorite coffee shop with ample power outlets and free wireless.

  3. I traveled back to FAT from EWR via DEN on Thanksgiving day on United Airlines. I was there for a meeting last week and then hung out with friends for a few days. It was about $150 cheaper to fly on Thanksgiving day.

    It was truly a great experience. The security line at EWR was just a metal detector. The line only got “long” because there was only one metal detector operating and a family of about 7 right before me who didn’t really speak English and had 2 children in strollers with them clogged the line for about 10 minutes. Otherwise, things were moving quickly there. I am more concerned about how much taxpayer money goes to operating that one little metal detector – I counted no less than 9 TSA agents just at that entrance alone and most were just standing around.

    I HAVE to give United some MAJOR positive reviews here. I flew them to NY last week and back to FAT yesterday. I don’t know why all the United bashing goes on. I was supremely impressed! Every single employee I encountered was pleasant. Granted, every one of my flights left on time and arrived on time, if not a few to several minutes early. So I didn’t get to see them during irregular ops, but since the majority of the time they operate normal ops, they are doing a great job. The ticketing agents came up to help even at the kiosks. The gate agents did a great job of announcing up to the flights and every flight was boarded in a very orderly fashion so we didn’t have to all crowd around. And during the flight, I had some very kind, smiling, and overall pleasant and helpful flight attendants. I was blown away – United deserves some recognition for running a great operation. (I actually was thinking about your website as a great place to post my opinion…and then you went ahead and made today’s topic about this :)

    Happy Thanksgiving folks and safe travels to you all!!

    1. United does seem to be getting their act together and they’re all going in the same direction. I just read the passage of cranky’s book where he described working there, and I’m curious how it’s read if he worked there now.

      1. From what I hear, things are changing rapidly over there. The Continental guys are really taking over the commercial side, and I know of several people who have lost their jobs already. I have little doubt that it’s a different place to work these days.

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