I Don’t Care if a Flight Attendant Almost Hit a Baby


I received several notes over the weekend asking about the incident on American where there was a flight attendant, a mom, a baby, and a big guy involved in some kind of altercation on an airplane. Some people expressed outrage about the whole thing while others wanted to know if I could shed light on what happened. My reaction? I wish every disagreement out there stopped being considered “news” just because it was caught on camera. I have a hard time writing about things like this, because I don’t know what happened, and I’m content to let the parties involved sort it out.

Every day, people all over the world flip on camera phones and start recording anything that might be considered of interest… to anyone. Inevitably, the most salacious of these end up going viral. Some people think this is good, because they uncover hidden injustices that wouldn’t otherwise have seen the light of day. That is true in the rarest of situations. Accusations of police bias, for example, may not have come to light without people and their cameras exposing a hidden issue. (Think back to the Rodney King beating – this isn’t just a cell phone issue.)

But the vast majority of these incidents aren’t even remotely in the same category. People have bad days, they get in fights, there are misunderstandings… things go wrong in the world of customer service. In most of these situations, the disagreements get resolved and people go on their way. That’s something for the company and the customer to figure out (and sometimes, the courts, if things go really wrong). But is it something the general public needs to deal with? Please, no. I can’t take anymore.

Don’t I feel bad for the crying mom? Well I feel bad that she’s crying, but I don’t feel bad about her being mistreated… because I don’t know whether she’s been mistreated. What happened before the cameras started rolling? I have no idea, and nor do any of us. Maybe this flight attendant hates babies and secretly did try to hit one. Or maybe he wasn’t aiming for a baby and the woman over-reacted to the accidental near-contact. I certainly don’t know. The parties involved will figure this out, and I don’t feel the need to be a part of it.

If I don’t care, then why am I writing about this? Well, because I do care about the impact this has on everyone involved. Once this stuff goes viral, the process of determining who is right and how to resolve the disagreement gets altered dramatically. It becomes a fight against the clock, with each passing minute resulting in thousands more shares on Facebook. Every company’s goal has to shift from figuring out what happened to simply controlling the damage asap, and that can both reward and punish the wrong people.

With this American incident, we know that the airline apologized quickly, suspended the flight attendant, and even put this woman in First Class on her return. Is that because they all deserved their fates? No. It’s because that kind of overwhelming response is now what it takes to calm down the angry masses.

This kind of instant, uninformed reaction may quell the brewing storm in the public eye, but it also has a sinister effect. It encourages people to play the “gotcha” game and try to catch someone on video doing something wrong. When that happens, it can now mean more than just a ton of views. It can be a payday.

This perverse incentive puts even more strain into any customer service situation as employees worry that one wrong misstep will end up being broadcast to the rest of the world. It’s not a healthy environment for anyone, because people just get angrier faster and with less information. There’s no attempt to step back and learn the facts. It’s all about speed with accuracy thrown by the wayside. That really bothers me, and it’s why I don’t want to write about these kinds of situations here on the blog.

I know this won’t change the way of the world, but at least it can be my small protest. Now let’s get back to some real news.

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83 comments on “I Don’t Care if a Flight Attendant Almost Hit a Baby

  1. How dare you apply common sense! The horror, to actually get the facts before jumping to a conclusion.

  2. I hear what you’re saying. But the behavior of the blue-shirted flight attendant that *was* captured on video was totally unacceptable: he was actively asking a passenger for a fistfight.

    Now, I think that passenger (the male) was out of line too, but the flight attendant was an on-duty airline employee and a professional; absolutely no excuse for that.

      1. I agree the behavior of the FA was unacceptable. I disagree the male passenger out of line. He viewed the incident and was standing-up for the distraught woman.

        1. Actually, he did NOT view the incident, he reacted to what the woman said “happened”. Once she lawyered up, she admitted that she was not hit by the stroller. And as for a god fearing Decon, his actions were not very godly

  3. Great article!

    Having worked in customer services during a media incident, I can confirm that it’s a huge waste of everyone’s energy. Everyone suddenly has an opinion and facts get lost.

    1. I agree with you: Cranky is too quick to take the airline’s side. The widespread availability of cameras (in phones nowadays) is a boon, and the video sites make sharing possible. Because of this we- the public – get to see many important things we would not otherwise see, including things that the mainstream media choose to ignore.

  4. Cranky, I hope YOUR post goes viral. It’s a great response and needs to be shared. You hit the nail on the head. All of this rush to see who can get angrier faster with no regard for facts is not good for any of us – individually or as a nation or community. Thank you for saying all this. ~Fran Morley, Fairhope, Alabama

  5. In the process of getting “shocked” and “horrified” and indignant about others mistakes, we do a great job of shifting away from having to examine our own demons and mistakes. I suspect this is why the human brain just loves viral posts about less than perfect behavior – it feeds our inner need to know that there are others just as fu&@ed up as we are ourselves.

    Let that person who is without sin cast the first stone…said and practiced by none of these indignant and fake “horrified” masses ever.

    1. Jesus also called the woman caught in adultery to “go and sin no more”.

      I need to be responsible for my choices and actions, though I have tendency to blame. So, let’s be responsible for our choices and actions

      1. So long as you extend that to airlines and their employees that are in a position-of-trust over all passengers and thus bear greater responsibility in behaving well.

  6. I applaud your thoughtful and rational approach to the entire problem of posting videos that create “uninformed reactions,” the “gotcha game,” and “perverse incentives.” You nailed the real picture, and it isn’t limited to customer service incidents–it’s pervasive in our culture and the effects are scary.

  7. The only thing I can surmise from the video is that two people of the male species succumbed to their testosterone, an unfortunate condition of which I, too often, am afflicted. I do grant that a professional customer service agent needs to learn not to succumb as that is their job, but the boorish behavior by the two of them is hardly a national incident. Just stupid. The Kevin Mitchell has used the incident to indict the entire industry is disgusting.

  8. CF – imo, given his response to this incident I think the FA needs to be interviewed and either retrained & counseled about his attitude or fired.

    “puts even more strain into any customer service situation as employees worry that one wrong misstep will end up being broadcast “. I agree the broadcast of incidents puts strain on those with bad attitudes, poorly trained, and poor rules. Imagine if leaders hold themselves accountable, hire well and train well, then I’d expect that leaders and employees would respond in a civil and caring manner. imo, that was not the case here or with the dragged/beaten passenger.

    Lastly, I don’t think I’d give a penny to the lady passenger.

  9. Since 1980 I have been on an airplane on average twice a week, as an architect who works for airlines.  While I have seen several “hostile” flight attendants over the years, I definitely have seen more irate passengers over very minor issues.  I have seen many passengers stopped as they enter the aircraft with an over sized bag, only to berate the FA over “I carried this with me on the way here” or “this is valuable and I am not checking it”.  Only to be pulling it back down the aisle when it does not fit in the overhead. As you indicated in your article, we don’t know what happened before the cameras were rolling.  The woman may have been told several times not to bring the stroller onto the aircraft, which you cannot do.   She could have been crying as she left family behind, we don’t know why she was crying.   Over the years I have always said that people get stupid when they enter an airport terminal.  Just last week i saw three people miss their 9:30AM flight to Cancun, as they were in a bar where you could not hear paging.    Their response when they arrived at the gate 10 minutes after departure was “no one told us you were leaving” – Really and they got nasty. When the 69 year old Doctor was pulled off the United aircraft, he was acting like a 5 year old whose mommy just said no more rides on the mechanical pony.    His treatment was over the top, but so was his. And when people criticized UAL again for not allowing the youngsters to fly in stretch pants, they do not realize the crew member who issued the buddy passes will lose their privileges over that incident. Rules are rules, however in today’s society, we are asking for rules to be suspended, ignored or just outright changed due to public opinion. We need decorum again in the skies.

    John Michael Bratichak Architect 718 252 6980

    1. Your well-reasoned post seems a bit too heartless for me to not respond. Flight aboard an airliner is unlike *any* other mode of transportation. Road travel, I almost always have the option to get off at the next stop or demand the driver stop. Boats? I can usually escape other passengers and hostile situations. Air travel? You are squished next to hundreds of other bodies, with no escape *and* Airlines and Laws that expect and demand complete and unquestioning compliance. Airline employees don’t just have that legal authority, they also have insider knowledge that many inexperienced fliers lack. So they understand what’s going on where I, dumb civilian, don’t.

      Great, you’ve been flying nearly 40 years. So you get all the ins-and-outs. The rest of us need help. I’ve had bags lost (and never recovered), I’ve been on overbooked flights, I’ve been on flights where the flight attendant started to get scared because of the amount of ice coming off one of the props.

      We’re inexperienced civilians, putting our lives in the hands of strangers, squished into a very unfamiliar environment with the expectation that we *never* question the directives of the stranger in an Airline uniform.

      You have no empathy for us? For the people who are under a great deal of stress (the novelty of airports, security, parking, and flying). Where is your humanity? Where is your understanding?

      No one walks into that situation wanting to lose it. So airline’s and their employees would do well to listen, communicate effectively and help diffuse this stressful situation instead of blaming passengers.

  10. Beautifully said.  Thank you.  Too bad all writers/journalists aren’t as thoughtful and intelligent.  I get very tired of people on TV criticizing a person or Company when they do not know all the facts.

  11. Very good points Cranky. I have had my own conclusions from this, but you’re right that we don’t have all the facts. I do want to add 2 things though.

    1. The captain looking like a deer in the headlights was pretty funny. Although he was also trying to keep the situation calm which good for him.

    2. I know you don’t like writing about this stuff, but it would be interesting to contrast the difference between how United or American handled this. Or have a sit down with another airline’s pr department (like Southwest) and talk about how important doing damage control is or how they do damage control.

    1. Pilotaaron1 – Indeed there were some real contrasts in the way that American and United handled each incident. United started out with an employee focus and ended up not coming off at sympathetic to the guy who’s bleeding. That backfired on the airline, and they spent days trying to correct it. American, meanwhile, apologized right away, took swift action, and was more proactive in its outreach almost immediately. That was one interesting thing about this – watching the different styles.

  12. ” the most salacious of these end up going viral. ”

    You don’t know that. Survivor bias, look it up.

    Then this Gem:

    ” Is that because they all deserved their fates? No.”

    Didn’t you just write you don’t know what was going on so you don’t want to comment? literally in the same article?

    Then you went out of his way to not address what was on the video that made it news worthy: the flight attendant lost his shit and had to be pushed back by other flight attendants.

    1. Thank you, Geekoid, for helping to demonstrate for all our readers what overblown outrage is like.

      I do want to clarify one point for other readers who might come across this comment. I did say “Is that because they all deserved their fates? No.”
      But read the entire paragraph and you’ll hopefully understand that the point I’m making is that American’s actions were unrelated to whether they were deserved or not. The actions were solely taken to be quick and avoid further pain in the public eye. Maybe American’s actions will prove to be appropriate. Maybe not. But American didn’t have time to make a decision that would be fact-based.

  13. I agree with you I could care less about the whole thing it does not involve me. And I am sick and tired of these videos popping up for every little thing. They make one incident sound like it happens on every flight with every flight attendant or whatever the case may be.

    You can’t stop people from taking the video and posting it on their Facebook page or whatever but it’s the worthless stupid news media with 24 hour sites that need to keep filling up with news that put this garbage out just to try and get hits to sell advertising space.

  14. Technology has come on so fast, but being able to be responsible and civil with it all, we have a lot to learn. “Do unto others as you would have them do onto you,” or something like that!

  15. A few things:
    1. In general, I empathise with the front line employees – whether it be the UA GA/FA or the AA GA/FA in this case or otherwise.

    2. I do think that, in general, these incidents are proving to be lightening rods that receive a groundswell of support because of pent up frustrations of customers against THE MAN.

    3. I agree with your statements about cameras encouraging “gotcha” situations. However, I also feel that cameras are an equalizer for the individual customer against the airlines (and in general, corporations) who have taken advantage of their leverage against an individual customer in certain situations. I assure you that United would not be taking a look at how it handles non-overbooking situations where passengers are removed to make room for employees if it weren’t for that situation being caught on camera, as an example.

    So to a certain extent, I think that the airlines unintentionally bring this culture upon themselves.

    1. Pictures do say a lot. Remember the NFL player, Ray Rice? He got one punishment before the video footage came out. Once the footage came out, it was a whole different matter… and TBH, the footage didn’t contradict the statements that had previously come out. I was up for whatever punishment the NFL wanted to dole out beforehand, but was a bit irritated that the video “made things worse.”

      1. imagine if the show SW, which admittedly could and probably was somewhat sanitized, would not have been shown. Would the legacy airlines be willing to do a similar show. imo, probably not.

        I agree that there will be those who, sadly, try to take advantage. In that case it can go the other way in that the perpetrator may be chastised and shunned.

        At the end of the day, the cameras and social media are here and so what will the airlines do?

  16. My favorite, (or most egregious I should say,) was a “concerned citizen” who cell phone recorded a guy in a truck “dragging” a dog down the street (actually a country road.) The video was really just a dog running along side a truck. She sends it into the local news Troublemakers team, who catches up with the guy, and turns out he’s an elderly guy who can’t walk that great but has a big an active dog, so he lets him run alongside his truck going not more than idle – 5mph, and has been doing so for years. A non-story.

    Or the guy who finds a kid “left along” in a parked car while the dad is inside at the store’s return desk for five minutes, well in sight of his kid. (my parents would have done the same thing.)

    Point is – unless it’s a true injustice like the examples you mentioned, people would be well served to mind their own business.

  17. Just my .02 and trigger warning: my opinion may p* some people off.

    We have seen this self-absorbed, self-obsessed, ‘you’re not the boss of me’ thing before and it peaked right before 9-11. Hand held video devices and social media were still a dream (or nightmare)and undoubtedly fan the flames. Am I excusing the outcomes of the UA & AA events? No…they were irregular, but common, situations that spiraled due to poor decision making and awful conflict-resolution skills.

    Bottom line is that I sense we, as a society, are slipping back into a self-absorbed “screw you..I got mine” mentally that would distract us from a clear and present danger developing under our nose. I hope I’m wrong.

    1. reversing….mmmm….imo, the pendulum started to swing to the ‘me, me, me’ mentality back in the 60s and probably has been compounded by that and successive generations. I’ve not seen the pendulum back to the great depression generation.

  18. this is one of the worst things you have ever written. for someone who runs a customer-advocacy business you sure are a hardcore industry apologist.

  19. Luckily, the airlines have totally mastered customer service—five nines!—so now’s totally the time to navel-gaze away videos like this as somehow society’s problem.

    How about instead of posting garbage like this, you use your industry largess to do some basic research, Cranky: IS there a problem with flight attendant behavior? IS violence or threats of violence between airline personnel and travelers up or down? Or even a behind-the-scenes, how-sausage-is-made piece: What sort of training do flight attendants receive to deal with unruly passengers? What are passengers’ rights in situations like this, either as granted by the airlines, or by law? When traveling with children/babies/etc. what can parents do to help the airlines, and help themselves? And so on.

    You’re the “expert.” Act like one.

    1. From what I know if the incident the lady repeatedly tried to bring the stroller on board. The crew told her to leave it to be checked.

      Instead of getting totally angry I would have “kicked it up the food chain” and gotten others involved like an agent an agents supervisor and yes the captain as well.

      I don’t know why strollers cannot be onboard maybe they take up too much space maybe people put the on top of other baggage and the fall out of the bin. Who cares they aren’t allowed in the cabin. From what I know they are delivered plane side when you arrive usually within 3 minutes of the door being opened.

      The guy totally lost it. That’s his fault. But the lady was wrong being obstinate for repeatedly bringing the item onboard.

      1. Actually, AA’s contract of carriage specifically allows strollers in the cabin if they fit in an overhead bin:

        “Fully collapsible strollers may be carried on board with the passenger as long as they fit in an overhead bin. Strollers exceeding a maximum weight of 20lbs or that are not capable of being transported inside the cabin due to size must be checked at a ticket counter.”


        I suspect that a careful reading of this document preceded AA’s immediate capitulation, as this is what the airlines will always refer to when they are in the right.

        According to some accounts, the passenger had already stowed the stroller in the overhead bin, when the FA insisted on removing it. Considering she had previously flown with it on multiple flights, I’ll give her the benefit of the doubt when it comes to judging whether her stroller would fit in the overhead, especially compared to the hothead FA in the video.

  20. Brett,

    Thanks for this. As part of a broader issue, I’m sorta tired of the social media lynch mobs that are formed.. particularly when a mob decides to go after someone’s job for conduct unrelated to the job (I know that’s a bit different, but I’m talking about the whole SJW type of thing in general as well.)

  21. Another problem is the lack of accurate reporting on airlines (and business in general) in the media. Lots of ignorance.

  22. Anyone who knows anything about carry on knows that a stroller, let alone a double stroller for twins, is left planeside and brought down to the bins for loading. I am confident that after tagging the stroller, the agent told her to leave the stroller at the bottom of the loading bridge prior to boarding with her children, Like you, CF, I do not know what transpired on the loading bridge. It would seem that “almost” hitting one of the children would not have elicited such an extreme response from the mom.

    As far as the man who wanted to be the knight in shining armor – he should have stayed out of it and should never have threatened a crew member (a federal offense potentially).

    For the inflight – he was out of line and needs to learn how to handle confrontations much much better. Anyone in the service business can tell many first hand stories about similar behavior by customers.

    I think that, while the compensation provided was over the top given the actual situation, American handled it quickly and professionally – unlike the United fiasco. I do think, in my opinion, that the resolution given will only encourage bad behavior by those seeking/desiring similar compensation/upgrades in the future.

    1. Read AA’s contract of carriage:
      “Fully collapsible strollers may be carried on board with the passenger as long as they fit in an overhead bin. Strollers exceeding a maximum weight of 20lbs or that are not capable of being transported inside the cabin due to size must be checked at a ticket counter.”

  23. The passenger broke a FAA FAR rule. You are not allowed to bring a stroller on. Period. Follow the rules or their are consequences. The flight attendant did not mean to hit her with stroller. Yes he should have deescalated the situation. But I am tired of passengers thinking they have power. Grow up . We are EMS and 911at 40000 ft. We are your way out. We are trained well and go thru boot camp. It is a Federal Offense to threaten a crew member so technically the passenger violated a Federal Law.

    1. It’s flatly untrue that you are not allowed to bring a stroller on.

      You are not allowed to bring a stroller on if, folded up, it is too large to fit in the sizer. If it does fold up small enough to fit in the sizer, it’s allowed on like any other carry-on item. American’s carry-on policy is explicit about this. I haven’t seen any statement one way or the other about whether the stroller was too large to fit in the bin. So this fits very much into the category Cranky emphasized: we don’t know what happened before the video cameras started rolling, so we don’t know who’s at fault and to what degree from the beginning.

  24. The video just looks like a bad episode of “Jersey Shore” or some other trashy reality series with absolutely no background on how we got to this part of the story. I could only watch 30 seconds before I thought that they all should just go away just like those “Jersey Shore” characters.

  25. I saw the video and all I could think of was that it all took place at the door and no one saw what really happened. The man got involved because he saw a woman carrying a baby and crying and wanted her to stop crying. His protective instinct kicked in.
    It could have been because the woman wanted to take her baby on the plane in the stroller and the attendant stopped her and the woman didn’t like it. Maybe she was looking for an upgrade? Who knows cause this video did not show anything lest of all an injustice and should not have been posted nor given the hype it has received.

  26. Just one thought everyone seen this could have…
    There is no place for a stroller to be on board. And passengers should know that. Language problem could interfere, but travelling with a baby needs preparation even in gathering these kind of information. ..

    1. I have, on numerous occasion, brought strollers on board. As long as they are within he allocated dimensions for carry-on, no problem. Some are even marketing that fact !.
      And when you arrive at destination in the US after a long international flight and have to wait up to 1 hour to go through immigration, this stroller is a must have !!!

  27. Stuff like this has been going on for decades. However, I think people are less civil than they used to be and are more stressed out. People still continue to wonder why they can’t bring on their kitchen sinks and why they should get called out if their kids are being unruly. That’s more true of people who fly infrequently. I also think that while most FAs are fair and know what they are doing a minority are not. I would not have those kinds of employees in my business.

  28. I agree with you, Brett, that the world would probably be a slightly better place without viral airplane misconduct videos. And my experience from thousands of flights tells me that passengers are far more likely to misbehave than flight attendants. That said, this genie isn’t going back into the bottle, so it’s something the industry is going to have to deal with. While I do fear that more passengers will refuse to follow crew member instructions — a trend which almost certainly will lead to more misery all around — there could be SOME good that comes out of this. That good will come from flight attendants being a bit more careful and caring in their dealings with passengers who they think are misbehaving. The fear of youtube is not an entirely bad thing. It’s human nature to be on your best behavior when the cameras are rolling. My fingers are crossed that this “good” isn’t swamped by the “bad.”

  29. Why was the stroller in the plane anyways they are GATE CHECKED and given for the cargo hold before you enter the plane and are there when u disembark…….WHY DID SHE WAS THE IT IN THE OVERHEAD BIN STUPID

    1. Because it’s about me, myself,and I silly!!!!! People want what they want when they want it. It’s not exclusive to airplane passengers either!! It’s a symptomatic of our society and the fact that we are becoming a cupcake/candyass nation.

      1. I agree with ” symptomatic of our society”. that includes me and you. have you seen what labor and the management big shots extract out of the biz.

    2. You should check the facts before posting insults !… Strollers are allowed on board as carry-on as long as they fit the max size for carry-ons.

  30. Vinod Negi – too many airlines bad behavior apologists here including the author. whatever happened to helping the travelers especcially those carrying a baby and not speaking the language? Why do agents feel the need to talk rudely to customers who obviously do not speak the language or do not understand the rules? Would you treat your customers the same way if they came in your restuarant or business for any service? Go to an airlines gate and watch the agents – no doubt they are rushed and short of time but most are extremely dismissive of customers!! Airlines need to be watched like hawks till they change their attitudes.

    1. I wish people would feel the same outrage when it comes to wasteful, incompetent government!!!!

    2. Does the convenience store down the street that is notorious for terrible customer service mean every similar outlets “need to be watched like hawks till they change their attitudes[?]”

      1. There millions of stores but just a handful of airlines! They better watch out or the Consumers will prevail as they did in the case if United Airlines. The airlines ran over each other to get the “Contract of Carriage” amended in 72 hours! You think they would have done that if they did not feel the heat??

  31. EXCELLENT…. I agree entirely with the approach you took on this issue, and zillions of other camera-happy zealots should keep their phones in their pockets..

  32. Thank you! A double wide stroller, line forming up behind, crying, squealing, all the pleasures of flying. Been a parent who has travelled internationally with them, and now with the grandkids, but showing respect for the other passengers and the crew is what my wife and I did which actually got us praise from crew and passenger. Also helped the flight depart on time.

  33. Come on the stroller was tagged by the gate agent told to leave the stroller at the end of the jet bridge at the aircraft door but she decided to take it on, have you seen the size of a double stroller? There is no way it was going to fit in the over head I don’t know how she got it down the aisle if she had 2 babies in her arms. Any parent that travels with a child has to check the stroller, they have gotten so big they take up a whole overhead and are a danger to other passengers when they are removed because they weigh a ton. This women did not follow her instructions if the stroller was left at the bottom of the jet bridge as she was told this whole thing would not have taken place. The boarding of a plane is the hardest for a FA they are not paid during this time there are several things going at once and you are accountable if that door does not close on time. It seems no one is accountable anymore, that stroller should never had gotten on the AC but of course everyone else is to blame but her and once again a bad passenger is rewarded for bad behavior. Yes I am a FA have been one for almost 30 years and I am here to tell you for the last 3 weeks it is has been open season on FAs I am shocked and sicken by the behavior that has been displayed in the last weeks, I wish 1 news media would do a story on the verbal abuse and bullying by passengers.

    1. Unless you have additional facts about what really happened, you should stick to reality. And if you truly are a FA, you should know that strollers are allowed on board, as long as they fit within the max size for carry-ons, and I’ve brought some frequently, and when travelling with young children and having to go through customs and immigration after a long international flight (usually involving jetlag), I can assure you that you need them !…

  34. Thank you! Agreed. Thank you, thank you.

    One philosophical difference on this though, you said “employees worry that one wrong misstep broadcast” — No… Most of these incidents involve more than _one_ wrong misstep, for most situations that get this out of hand it is multiple missteps, poor training, poor policies, poor resources, etc.

    Airlines demand *complete* *unquestioned* *compliance* and that means they don’t get the benefit of the doubt. If you want that level of power over other individuals then you *must* accept the responsibility — that includes effective communication, understanding and good listening. I’ve seen *way* too many examples of airline employees demanding compliance without listening, understanding and addressing legitimate concerns.

    Airlines deserve the negative attention and employees *should* be worried that if they fail to be a human being and instead treat passengers as cattle they may be put on blast.

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