JetBlue Introduces Boring Buy on Board Meals

You know JetBlue for their blue chips, but now they’ve decided to beef up their offerings. The airline quietly started launching buy-on-board meals this week Nuclear Salamiand the result is underwhelming to say the least.

Let’s make one thing clear. The ample selection and large variety of snacks will stay. That’s not changing at all. But there are some people who want something more substantial, so that’s the point of these meals, which cost $6 a piece and are available on A320 flights of over 3 hours and 45 minutes. You would think that an airline like JetBlue would go with something different and exciting, but you’d be wrong. They’ve gone with shelf-stable crap.

There are five different “meals” and only two (maybe one and a half) look even remotely healthy. Even those aren’t exactly appealing. Here’s my list, in order, of the ones that I’d be tempted to try.

Shape Up
This is what they’ve decided passes for something healthy. It includes pita chips, hummus, raisins, almonds, fruit crisps, and snack mix. Is this healthy? Somewhat, but I’d imagine that some of this stuff is, as a friend calls it, “salty death mix” with a healthy look and feel. I’d rather stick with the free cashews, blue chips, fruit crisps, and cookies that they’ll still hand out.

Cheer Up
They have wine on board, so why not have fruit and cheese as well? Delta actually does a good job with that, but then again, they actually have fresh fruit and tasty cheese. JetBlue is going with dried fruit and what I assume to be shelf-stable Swiss, Smoked Cheddar, and Hot Pepper. Not exactly inspiring at all.

Power Up
After the Cheer Up package, this drops off a cliff pretty quickly. Power Up has chips and salsa, some beef jerky, and some pretzels with dip. If they serve this, they better have that drink service going nonstop, because the salt in these will make you thirstier than a ramp agent in Phoenix in July.

Wake Up
For those who want breakfast, you can pretend by ordering this drek. Yep, a croissant in a bag served with jam and butter alongside a Dole fruit cup, chocolate milk, and . . . Cheez-Its? Who decided Cheez-Its were breakfast food? This one is enough to make you ill.

Beef Up
The clear winner (loser?) in the race for the worst meal is this one. Start with what we used to call “funny salami” as a kid (that stuff that would outlast Twinkies in a nuclear blast), add in some crackers and bagel chips, and finish it off with two types of cheese “spread” and some fruit crisps to give it the appearance of being healthy and you’ve got nastiness. I remember when Southwest used to give out something like this on their long hauls, but they’ve stopped, I believe. Probably because it’s awful.

So, really JetBlue? Is the best you can do? I know that people like crap, but you guys don’t usually seem to stoop to this level. I’ll be curious to see if enough people pay for this to make it worthwhile. I certainly won’t.

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