Delta Nearly Completes Wifi Installation, Now What?

Delta’s promised wifi updates have been few and far between, but yesterday we found out that the airline is basically done with its plans. Now that they have an armada of wifi-equipped planes, what are they going to do with them?

What Delta Should Do with Wifi

The A319, MD88, MD90, 737, and 757-300 fleets are completely done. There are only three 757-200s and five A320s that don’t have it. All the 767s that are going to be outfitted (the ones that fly domestically) have been completed. It’s only the DC9-50 fleet which lags with 25 airplanes left.

We know that people can use airborne wifi to surf the web, but we also know that for the most part, people aren’t using it very much yet. But with this entire fleet outfitted, Delta has shelled out millions. There has to be a way to make that money back, right? Here are some ideas, some uh, more serious than others.

  • Integrate wifi capability into the seatback screens where available. Virgin America is working on this as we speak. It will allow all those people who don’t carry smart devices to pay to surf the web.
  • Open up an off track betting outlet for people on the plane who love them some horse racing.
  • Allow crews to use wifi to deal directly with Delta in order to reaccommodate passengers who are going to misconnect when they land.
  • Instead of the old smoking vs non-smoking, open up porn vs non-porn sections.* (*Should only be done on airplanes with leather seats.)
  • Have cached entertainment options on a server on the airplane that can be streamed to each seatback system or computer via wifi.
  • Start sending spam from Delta email addresses to people on the plane for cheap Viagra and penile enlargement.
  • Enable random chat with other GoGo users on other aircraft. Talk about cloud computing . . . (Rimshot, please.)

I know you’ve got better ones than I do. What say you?

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