When TSA Stops Being Polite and Starts Getting REAL

The FAA, DOT, and TSA finally implemented their REAL ID requirements in May after literal decades of missed timelines, pushed back deadlines, and overall confusion over the program. But it’s finally in place, and now the TSA will begin charging travelers $45 if their IDs do not meet the updated standards, beginning February 1.

Despite putting the system in place more than six months ago, the TSA has been issuing warnings to those without REAL IDs (which by the process of elimination would have to be considered FAKE IDs, we think) but letting them pass through following enhanced screening. That government mandated-pat down will remain, but you’ll have to pay $45 for the privilege.

One $45 payment will be valid for 10 days of travel, but at the end of 10 days, travelers will need to have obtained a REAL ID or they’ll be forced to pay up again. A TSA spokesperson said, “Look, I pay that much at Fantasy Castle for the same thing, but that only last a few minutes. This is a great deal.”

TSA says payment could take as long as 30 minutes, which in the grand scheme of air travel isn’t all that bad. While not required, a tip of 20-25% will be expected by the TSA agent performing the pat down, or more — if you find it particularly enjoyable.

American Reveals Scam AAdvantage Pass

Sometimes, you have to wonder if there’s staff at every airline loyalty department sitting around a room trying to come up with new ways to get customers (or Guests in some instances) to simply hand over their hard-earned money for the illusion of status. Well, American has a new one, announcing this week its AAdvantage Pass which can be purchased for the low, low price of $5,000.

What does one get for $5k? Let’s start with what you don’t get. You don’t get AAdmirals Club Access, you don’t get to sit in first clAAss anytime soon, in fact, you don’t even get a seat on an airplane anywhere. What do you get? You get entry-level gold status, 100,000 AAdvantage miles, and 15,000 Loyalty Points. The most generous valuation of AAdvantage points comes in at about 1.5 cents each, and that’s assuming you’re using them wisely at maximum value, but for now, we’ll call that $1,500. That leaves $3,500 to earn you gold status and 15k Loyalty Points.

Is that worth it? Nope. But if you’ve got $5k to burn and have always wanted to tell your relatives at your holiday celebrations that you finally achieved AAdvantage Gold, this could be just right. Chances are you could get a lot more value out of spending $5k on actuAAl flights, going somewhere, and earning that status the old-fashioned way, but who are we to decide how to spend your money?

Southwest Earns its Stripes

Southwest Airlines has a new interline partner, and it’s a fun one — Condor, with its bright colors and leisure-focused route map will team up to provide its passengers with domestic connection options when connecting to a Southwest ticket upon arrival in Boston, Las Vegas, Los Angeles, Portland, San Francisco, and Seattle.

Condor will be Southwest’s first partner from mainland Europe, and makes five overseas partners for Southwest. Condor joins a club that includes China Airlines, EVA, Icelandair, and Philippine Airlines. The partnership became bookable on Monday, for travel beginning January 19.

The agreement is only an interline partnership, as the German people are known to like to take things slowly in new relationships, but could one day lead to something more. Codesharing, hand holding, reciprocal loyalty benefits, a joint visit to Fantasy Castle, it’s all on the table.

JetBlue Adds Five from San Juan and More

JetBlue Airways will add five new destinations from its focus city in San Juan, adding service to Buffalo, Jacksonville, Norfolk, Philadelphia, and Richmond in March. All five will operate year-round with PHL flying 1x daily, with the other four operating 3x weekly.

These won’t be the only routes launched by the carrier in March, as it will also bulk up in upstate New York adding flights from Buffalo to Fort Myers and Syracuse to Fort Lauderdale, giving residents of south Florida greater access to the eye-popping, idyllic Finger Lakes region for part of the year alongside access to non-idyllic, Florida warmth for the frozen Finger Lakes residents the rest of the year.

Lastly, the airline is adding a heap of spring break travel from Fort Lauderdale including Bozeman, Dallas/DFW, Denver, Jacksonville, Portland (ME), Reno, and Salt Lake City. All seven will operate in both directions, despite local objections.

Allegiant Continues to Find New Ways to Distract Itself from Its Strange Route Map

As a reminder, Allegiant is not an airline, it’s a travel company. And now that it’s got its world-class Sunseeker Resort sold off to private equity, the travel company is now dipping its toe in the world of wine because it’s the next step in its natural progression from airline to wine distributor.

Allegiant is the airline travel company that flies two or three times a week between city pairs that mostly have no business having nonstop service between them. And now, it’s launching Altus Sol, a wine it says is specifically crafted to drink at high altitudes. While the airline would not confirm, we have sources from Sonoma Bespoke, the winemaker, that it’s even more innately crafted to drink when flying between Gulf Shores and Appleton or St. Petersburg/Clearwater and Fargo — but only two or three times per week.

The release brags that this is a first-of-its-kind partnership, which, yeah, that checks out.

The carrier says it worked with Dr. Robert Pellegrino — seriously, he’s real — a postdoctoral fellow at Monell Chemical Senses Center — that’s real too — on the project. We presume that Rev. William Fiji, Joseph Dasani, Ph.D, and Ellie Aquafina, Esq. were unavailable to consult on this project.

• Aeroflot is continuing the economically viable strategy of buying freighter airplanes to use their parts for aircraft already in its fleet.
• Aeromexico agreed to a new codeshare agreement with SAS on Monday, which will be especially convenient for both Scandinavians looking for authentic Mexican food.
• Air France will begin 2x daily A220 flights to London/Gatwick next summer.
• Alaska is leasing 7 weekly London/LHR slot pairs from American for its Seattle flight.
• American is adding flights for the World Cup this summer. Kansas City seems to be the big winner.
• Cathay Pacific will operate its retrofitted B777-300ER to San Francisco 6x weekly.
• Delta says the government shutdown — and presumably Crowdstrike — will cost it about $200 million in Q4 profit.
• Global Airlines, which doesn’t really exist, is putting its logo on a gas-guzzling Hi Fly A340.
• ITA will begin flying from Rome/FCO to Houston/IAH in May to help show Italians what real suburban sprawl looks like.
• Korean and its fellow Hanjin Group carriers are joining the Starlink family.
• LEVEL is aLL grown up now.
• Qantas returned its final A380 from pandemic-era storage into service.
• Spirit is looking to reject 11 more A320 leases.
• Southwest reduced its Q4 outlook.
• Sun Country is opening a new base in Cincinnati.
• TAP introduced its new premium economy cabin.
• Transavia named Paul Terstegge its new CEO.
• United announced a new partnership with Travelport designed to extract more incremental revenue from you.
• WestJet is adding next summer, especially from Halifax.

Me: “I bought at 12-year old whisky.”

Friend: “What’s the big deal?”

Me: “His mother was furious.”