Tony France, the Traveling Optimist, is back with another post, and this is a long one. Last time Tony generated a lot of discussion, so let’s hope this does the same.

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Friends of mine were planning on getting married in New Zealand during their down under Summer - Christmas wedding season of October – December. I started shopping the three main carriers from the United States, Air New Zealand, Qantas and United. I discovered that Qantas will introduce the A380 to Los Angeles in late October. Even though it will not operate to Auckland I went to the Qantas website to see if this airborne beast would offer something different enough to capture my attention and pull me off of the nonstop services both they and Air New Zealand provide.

They did. Qantas has translated size in to a rare spaciousness for the three premium cabins. In their highest density, United’s 747s carried 420 in an 18F, 32C and 370Y configuration. Virtually all Qantas and this airplane has done is take those same numbers, increase the size of the Business Class cabin by 40 and put the whole thing upstairs! Even with only one boarding bridge, getting on the plane at least should be fairly smooth thanks to a total of four aisles and two stair cases to distribute the payload and alleviate the herding sensation. Only in standard coach with 332 seats set in the standard 3-4-3 layout will the density feel no different whatsoever between the A380 and the 747.

What I don’t like about the Qantas configuration is easier and faster to explain than what I do like, which is plenty. For those of us who are claustrophobic, not having the enclosed confines of a Singapore Airlines or Emirates First Class Suite is a good thing. No paired seating, though, is sure to be something Virgin Atlantic will make much of when their version of the A380 debuts with Upper Class seating. Also, having the seat so far removed from the side wall to allow for the lie-flat feature to pivot, is unfortunate. According to their seat map the chair itself is a good two, almost three feet in to the cabin area. I’m a sightseer when I fly and, even in the middle of a 15 hour flight, I occasionally like to look out the window to see the stars, clouds, thunderstorms, holiday lights, city lights, fireworks, whatever. I especially like to watch the wing flex a little muscle during take off or turbulence or maybe spot another airplane on a parallel track or something. Maybe I’m supposed to be too busy, pre-occupied and otherwise above such things to care but if they had reversed this set-up I am of the opinion it would be more appealing.

Speaking of the wing, I have seen some videos of the A380 on takeoff from the passenger’s perspective. Particularly the view taken during Cranky Flier’s visitor flight on Emirates out of Los Angeles (below), I strongly advise any sightseer like myself to make sure they are seated either behind or in front of this massive construction. Impressive it is but if it could block out the sun it would because it surely obstructs the passenger view of everything else and will make a 15 hour flight even more challenging that it is already.

As for the back of the bus, fear not, coach flyer; despite the aforementioned density of 332 seats in 3-4-3 layout the one HUGE upgrade to this cabin is the introduction of 110v power ports to each bank of seats. Finally even coach customers are acknowledged for needing and wanting to use their laptops for work or their own entertainment in flight. This simple, phenomenal offering has instantly rendered anything by United and Air New Zealand both dead in the water…air. Who needs 160 channels of film and music when my own library can boast several thousand titles of songs, movies and games, completely unedited, personally selected and on a laptop screen up to 17 inches across without PA interruptions? Heaven!

With all respect to Coach for that is certainly where much of my personal flying takes place, I would not have placed First and Economy so close together on the same level. Even with priority boarding I would not necessarily want such a divergence in my customer base to mingle on the jet bridge. Neither would I want economy sized traffic traipsing through the refinements of First Class on the way back to Steerage even if they are, to borrow a line from “Titanic,” quite good on this ship. Moreover, placing Premium Economy above standard coach and just behind Business Class works for an illusion of exclusivity during the flight until it is time to deplane and there is only one jet bridge for the aircraft. That puts Premium Economy waiting to come down the back stairs and deplane behind standard coach. Through the galley. And past the lavatories. After 16 hours. Ew.

The biggest concern is having the entire Business Class cabin placed on the upper deck. For customers with physical disabilities how will a Business Class customer in a motorized chair board an aircraft through a single, main-level jet bridge and get to his seat upstairs? I saw no accommodation for an elevator, chair lift or other powered device to transit such a passenger from the main level. The 747 rarely ever had that problem because at least one cabin for each class was always on the main floor.

If the Business Class passenger cannot navigate stairs will they receive a complimentary upgrade to First Class? I doubt any Business Class passenger for any reason will accept a downgrade to steerage without a loud and long fight right then and there.

I like, no LOVE the 747-400. Economically the airplane may be nearing the end of its useful life but an airline with deep pockets can put an onboard product into the older aircraft to match Qantas’ investment with the A380. Air New Zealand is a solid service oriented airline that well knows the challenges of ultra-long international service. It has nonetheless gone two-cabin in its configurations and, as a classic example of a long-and-thin airline, is in no need of something as big as the A380. As a 747 replacement the 777 works just fine, thank you very much and, like a top notch gridiron quarterback, can “make all the throws” (fly every international route) this peppy little carrier needs to succeed.

Despite recent stories to the contrary, United is not again bankrupt but is in severely tight straits regarding fleet replenishment such as would be needed to go toe-to-toe with Qantas, Singapore, Emirates and Company. If United cannot afford or does not need the A380 then that’s fine but their announced upgrades have the overall affect of the emperor’s new clothes. Sadly for United, however, it appears old Mrs. Haversham will ply the friendly skies to Australia and Hong Kong, their two longest nonstop routes, for some years to come, pining for the customers with whom she once was one.

So, ultimately, my issues with the Qantas product are all about physical placement on and within the aircraft and not towards what appears to be magnificent creature comforts in all classes. The seats in each cabin look gorgeous and the food and amenities thoughtfully created and well appointed. None of my issues detract from the physical comfort or culinary standards Qantas has set. It’s clearly and simply a case of coming just within a hair of perfection - I like being able to get to my preferred seat without obstruction and, once settled in, I like to see where I’m going and what the world looks like around me. Qantas, I eagerly look forward to your A380 experience.

I’m going to be nowhere near the internet today, and actually I’m probably sleeping right now. Why, you ask? Well this weekend is my bachelor party, and things kicked off last night. Of course, I didn’t want to leave you without anything today, so I’ve got a great guest post for you from Tony France, The Traveling Optimist.

I hope you enjoy the read, and I’ll approve any comments that need to be approved when I get back on Sunday.

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In the earliest days of air travel the skies were the purview of the rich and the foolhardy. The train was the chic, convenient and classy way to travel, all in one. It stayed on the ground, traveled at speeds the human mind could understand and the Pullman services, since they had all week to reach New York, Chicago or Boston, were second to none. Crisp linens, sumptuous meals, porter service for every whim.

C. R. Smith in 1934 wanted some of that Pullman business for his fledgling American Airlines and called up Donald Douglas about an airplane that could convert to the first sleeper seats for overnight service. Thus with a phone call arose the DC-3. Needing an edge of its own, TWA made a phone call to Boeing about something larger and faster with the first pressurized cabin, the Stratoliner. After the Second World War the even larger Stratocruiser gave us private lounges reached by the first circular staircase to an alternate level on a double-deck airliner. These three silver birds would be combined in to one almighty aircraft, again, seemingly out of little more than a phone call between Juan Trippe at Pan Am and Bill Allen at Boeing:

“If I buy it will you build it?”

“If I build it will you buy it??”

All hail the 747, the first wide-body and featuring a First Class cabin (nose configuration) that arguably remains unsurpassed to this day.

Right up to the mid- and late-eighties the seat in First Class was never more than a large Barcalounger, wide enough for fat-cat hips with a deep enough recline to attempt some sleep on a flight rarely more than 10 hours in length. It was the food as well as the human touch that made First Class what it was.

I joined American in 1986 as a “B-Scale” baggage handler for American Airlines in 1987, thankful to have a job. My first vacation as a nonrev traveler was to Paris the following April to visit a friend from college. I was lucky enough to get a seat in First Class on the redoubtable “AA-#48” and what happened over the next eight hours lingers blissfully on my mind to this very day.

Leather and lambs’ wool covered the seat, American’s signature upholstery at the time. After take-off, the 767-200 we flew was transformed in to a Michelin rated restaurant. Linen carts to set the table, each set piece hand presented as if setting the stage for a magnificent culinary performance. Drink orders were taken and returned with the ubiquitous warm mixed nut offering. An appetizer followed – salmon in dill with capers and hard breads. A crust scraper was deftly deployed after every course.

The full caviar service was a first for me and it came with gracious assistance and a knowing smile from the flight attendant on how to prepare the treat to my liking since I’d never done it before! She enjoyed sharing in my first experience as much as I was enjoying sampling a world far beyond my means and imagination at the time. The salad cart followed, generously tossed with flourish and cracked pepper while we were somewhere over Tennessee.

“Sorbet?” “Don’t you mean sherbert?” The flight attendant chuckled softly as I contemplated another first, sorbet, of the grapefruit variety. I just stared at this unheard of frozen concoction and tiny little spoon in a fluted glass. “Savor it, let it linger so it will cleanse the palate,” my flight attendant advised. Wow, all this just to prepare for the main course? Was this only because we were flying to Paris, a local market thing, or was this on every long haul international flight American operated? Heck, what were the other airlines doing compared to this?

The main course followed, an exquisite filet in Madeira wine, followed by coffee or tea. Next came a cheeseboard with at least six varieties of English, Dutch and French cheeses along with grapes and accompanying port wines but the meal was hardly finished. The dessert cart appeared, offering something fancy and something simple; I settled for the simple – vanilla and chocolate ice cream with hot fudge and whipped cream. Aperitifs appeared to finish it all off, all traces of an elaborate production removed and I was left in the dark with a single glass of water, fantasy over, back to reality. I looked out the window at Cape Cod drifting into the indigo night behind me, open ocean, about three hours of sleep and Paris ahead of me.

Two hours before landing and the onboard crew is at it again. Hand set trays of linens and silver, hot towels and orange juice, warm croissants to start. A yogurt service was followed by a choice of cold cereals or a “Dutch” breakfast of breads and cold meats with butter and select jams. I’m well tucked in to my Euro-food when my flight attendant stops by and asks how I would like my eggs cooked. A small dribble of milk runs down my bulging cheek as my bewilderment takes in the question put to me.

“Uh, scrambled, please?”

Fresh, scrambled eggs, breakfast meats and potatoes with onions and peppers are placed before me with another flight attendant right behind pouring out yet another cup of tea to wash it all down. Amazing! No sorbet this time, but fresh fruit to take the garlic edge off and then, the telltale droning from outside the window. The engines were idling down, announcing we are beginning our vectors to land. One last glass of ice water, the immigration landing card, all window shades up and my Michelin rated restaurant was for the second time merely a cabin in a plane as if nothing special at all had happened. Rather, something special had indeed just happened and to probably the most impressionable passenger on board that night.

Rumblings were beginning even then, however, that the glamour was going out of air travel as carriers struggled to re-invent themselves. Bitter labor fights over B-scale wages, seriously fuel hungry fleets of 707s, 727s, dying airlines and the rise of fortress hubs dominated the headlines. The bottom line was coming in to ever sharper focus as airline realities changed from high-end travel options to complex economic engines where costs and profits were measured in pennies per mile. The big picture visionaries with outsized personalities who kept one eye on the future and did business with a handshake were slowly, inevitably replaced with Ivy League micro-managers who knew only P&L and ROI. Atmosphere is not quantifiable ergo luxury inevitably loses out to utility and optimization. Glamour, even my first fleeting taste of it, wasn’t to remain on the scene for much longer.

The caviar went first, a victim of conservationist activities as well as the most obvious “waste” on board the plane. One by one, everything almost down to the steak itself was removed and cost cut. Fresh eggs died an omelette with red sauce death long ago. Today’s premium passengers are essentially left to feel lucky they receive a meal at all. The entrees have become “lighter, healthier” and cheaper. The carved roasts and Maine lobsters are all in your dreams if you’re old enough to remember them at all.

Today’s First Class is not about the food at all; Robert Crandall himself once said as much. It’s the seat. As flights have gotten longer and markets more competitive it is the onboard hardware, a combination of a Borg energy pod and a spa cubicle that allegedly drives the customer’s decision. Like both of these entities, however, regardless of all the push-button gadgetry, the seat is neutral, impersonal and designed for isolation (except the double bed on Virgin Atlantic). Comfy but cold.

After the AirMap some airlines boast 600 titles of films, shows, music and games via “on demand” entertainment technology. What a waste. I used to think my own personal library of 1800 CDs and 600 DVDs was impressive until some of my more savvy friends corrected me. The iPod and the laptop each obviate the need for massive onboard libraries. Savvy, techie, family and busy travelers alike will have all they need with them in their own unedited hard drives so long as they can access onboard power.

The cabin real estate and cost to the airlines for these contraptions explains retail fares surpassing $12,000 one way (Qantas.com, LA to Sydney, First Class). Whether or not anyone actually pays that much, I feel the airlines have missed the point of what true First Class was, should and could be - the seat, the atmosphere and the food, in balance, to create the world discerning passengers want and airlines need to truly distinguish themselves. For $800/hour, at least Qantas brought back the caviar!

So keep all the movies and shows, fellas, my laptop screen offers a larger and better picture. Better yet, send that huge library of stuff back to the masses in coach since they don’t have onboard power but for the most part have individual screens. Do something with the walls other than the usual mood-neutral blues and beiges. How about a world mural, like TWA used to have, or commemorative artwork like Pan Am once gave away? Could Botticelli’s “Birth of Venus” as a bulkhead piece help turn Alitalia around? Italian art, Italian food and hospitality, Italian wines and leathers? How could they go wrong? But I digress - at least it would be something, anything, to evoke the old romance and glamour of flying, of discovering new destinations, even if the guy in Seat 1K is a million-miler who has seen it all before.

Bring back the food, plain and simple. It’s been 21 years and numerous premium cabin experiences since that first time on American, but give me the complete experience I had again on that first, First Class flight to Paris. Carpeted walls textured the cabin and each course was a sequence of events in a grand adventure expertly guided by an inflight crew that exuded pride in their role while being willing to initiate the neophyte through the finer points of their rarefied world.

With their reputation for engineering, I can well believe that, back in the day, Lufthansa had better seats but it was a no-brainer that Air France had better food! Thanks to mergers and acquisitions, economics and alliances, the unique touches once offered in the front cabins of the flag carriers of the world seem all to have sadly gone to ground with the great luminaries who created the great planes that introduced them all to begin with. Varig, I barely knew ye.

Shampag-knee, anyone?