Stay with me here. Michael O’Leary, Ryanair’s fearless leader and king of publicity, has announced his plans for a transatlantic airline. And yes, it will apparently include blowjobs.

His plan? A bunch of economy class seats that will sell for 10 euros or something really cheap like that as well as a business class that’ll run you 4,000 to 5,000 euros. Why would you pay that much? “Beds and blowjobs.” Now THAT’s a value proposition. Don’t believe me? Watch for yourself (sorry, but the video is blowjob free):

I’m actually surprised that he gets that you need to have a premium cabin to make this work, but it’s his spin on the product that makes this blogworthy. Will it happen? Probably not, but he’ll get all kinds of people to write about it. Heck who knows if he’ll ever get this thing off the ground at all, but who cares? Just watching his translator squirm is worth the post.

Open Skies, the new airline from BA, is getting ready to launch flights between New York and Paris in the next couple of weeks, and we’re slowly learning more about their service. In last week’s blog post, Dale Moss, head honcho, announced that the airline will have a concierge service for those who fly with the airline.

Unlike Air New Zealand, this won’t be an onboard concierge. No, this will be a service on the ground to help you plan your trip. Dale has apparently gone and hired as many people with fancy pants names like Aurore, Chantal, and Stellan as he could find to do the job. I’m actually a little surprised to see they’ve hired 10 people to do this - that seems to be way more than enough for such a small airline.

So how does this make sense for the airline? Well, it’s a differentiator. It provides a great resource for people - almost like having a travel agent at your beck and call, and that’s a nice benefit. Depending upon how Open Skies handles it, the airline should benefit monetarily as well. If they book you a room, they should be able to get a commission of some sort. If it can pay for itself, then it’s a no-brainer.

It’s been awhile since I broke out the gold star award. I thought about it yesterday with Delta’s new seat, but that’s still a couple years off from being anything tangible. But when I saw Air Canada’s new On My Way service, I thought it was immediately useful and definitely worthy of a gold star.

So, what is this On My Way thing? Well, it’s pretty simple. As you probably know, if your flight is delayed or canceled due to a mechanical issue or something else within an airline’s control, the airline will do a lot to get you out of town. If there are not flights available on that airline in the near future, they’ll put you on another airline. If they can’t get you out that day, you’ll get a hotel and meals. Pretty good, right?

Unfortunately, if you’re stuck with the common “uncontrollable delay” like weather or air traffic control, the airline generally does nothing for you. Sure, they’ll put you on another flight on that airline but that’s about it. Air Canada has been no different from everyone else in this regard, but now they’ve done something crazy.

They’ll treat uncontrollable delays like ones within their control if you’re willing to pay for it.

Here’s how it works. For $25 each way on itineraries of less than 1,000 miles and $35 each way on itineraries over 1,000 miles (in North America only), you can get that coverage. But for that fee, you won’t have to stand in line for hours to get help. You’ll get access to dedicated agents in the Air Canada call center to actually help you with your arrangements. Looking at the list of airlines on which they’ll rebook you, it appears they have pretty strong coverage. All the US legacy airlines, Alaska/Horizon, and WestJet are covered along with a few other small Canadian airlines.

The beauty of this is that it’s a great service for passengers even if it just ends up being peace-of-mind, but it’s also a good deal for Air Canada. Though they won’t know what percent of people that buy the service actually need to use it until they give it a few months, you have to assume that the bean counters did their homework here. They should be able to make money on this deal. It’s a win-win situation, assuming enough people buy it that don’t actually need to use it.

So would you buy it? For me, it’s entirely dependent upon the trip circumstances. If I have an important meeting, I’d absolutely buy it for the outbound flight. For the return? Only if I had to be home for work or something. But either way, it’s a really nice option to have and it can help take a lot of stress out of what has become a naturally stressful situation for a lot of people. For that, Air Canada gets a gold star.

You might be surprised to know that it’s not just airlines that can get the Cranky Jackass award. Today, I have the pleasure of awarding it to Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum, the girls who say that being so hot got them banned from Southwest for life.

Sounds ridiculous, right? Well, it is. But this irresponsible piece of journalism from a Tampa news station proves that it must have been a slow news day when it happened. The girls claim that they were harassed from the moment they got on board, and at the end of the flight they were met by law enforcement and banned for life from flying Southwest. Why? Because they’re “decent looking.” Don’t believe me? Watch the video yourself, complete with camera panning head-to-toe in order to give you a good look.

Now, last time Southwest had a sex scandal, they ignored it and it blew up to epic proportions. The girl with the short skirt, Kyla Whats-Her-Face, even got herself invited to a Richard Branson party for Virgin America. When they finally did respond, it was a day late and a dollar short. The damage had been done. So you knew Southwest wouldn’t make that mistake again, and it was exactly their response this time that even made me consider writing about this event.

First, they put out a press release with all the facts from the point of view of the crew members involved as well as uninvolved passengers on the flight. Also, I received a quick response from Southwest spokesperson Paula Berg when I asked for more details. She immediately pointed me to an updated story from the same person who filed the original report. This one presented Southwest’s side of the story.

As you might imagine, they have a very different interpretation of events, and one that I find to be far more believable. They say the girls (or at least one of them) got angry that someone was in the bathroom so long. They pounded on the door, and when asked to stop acting that way, they refused. When the person came out, words were exchanged, at the very least. Once they landed, they took them off the plane and canceled the return on their tickets, giving them a refund for that fare. Oh, and Paula added, “the two ladies are not ‘banned’ from ever traveling on Southwest in the future.” Sounds a lot more plausible to me.

But what’s really interesting here is that they fought the YouTube video with a response video of their own from spokesperson Brandy King.

She may very well be a good spokesperson behind the camera, but she didn’t come off very well in front of it. The content was fine, but she fumbled and stumbled her way through the minute-long video. I still like the proactive effort, but really, the entire time I was watching this video, I kept thinking two things.

1. Nice strategic placement in front of the picture that says “A beautiful way to fly.” Hah.
2. If Southwest decided to ban pretty people from flying, Brandy King wouldn’t be able to fly her own airline

Despite the fumbling in the video, I think this was handled pretty well by Southwest. It’s nice to see them learn from their past mistakes. A look at the 900+ comments on that news story shows that most people side with the airline on this one (but definitely not all). My favorite comment? “I didn’t know Paris and Nicole were still friends?!!”

It seems like we see new airline surveys and lists every other week. Which airline is best? Which has the highest quality? Which treats their customers best? The media may love to talk about these things, but you know what? They really aren’t worth much at all in my eyes.

Let’s take a look at the recently released Zagat Survey (.pdf) to illustrate my point. We’ll just focus on the domestic airline results for now, since that’s what’s been getting the most press. First, what do we know about the people who took the survey? Not much. From the survey itself, we know they talked to 7,498 frequent fliers and travel professionals (how they define a frequent flier or travel professional, I don’t know). Of those, 40% are women and 60% men. Only 8% are in their 20s, 22% in their 30s, 23% in their 40s, 26% in their 50s, and 21% age 60 or higher.

That’s all we know. I was happy when the company’s PR firm contacted me trying to sell the story, because I figured I could get some more info on how they actually came to these conclusions. Sadly they refused to provide any info above and beyond what’s already published in the survey. Without this information, I find the survey to be mostly unhelpful. Here’s why.

1. Let’s look at the top of the list, since that’s where most of the attention is focused. In the Premium Cabin, Virgin America was #1 and they were tied for #2 in Coach. Whoa, that immediately throws up a red flag. The airline started in August and only recently added its fifth city. How many of those 7,498 could have even had the opportunity to fly Virgin America? We’ll never know since Zagat won’t say, but it can’t be that many. And if it is that many, then this is hardly a random sample. Hmmm.




2. In Coach, Midwest Airlines was the big winner. These guys have historically finished at the top of the pack in most surveys, but the airline really has multiple personalities. There’s the traditional (called “Signature”) Midwest experience which has wide leather seats (four across instead of the usual five). That is what generally gets rave reviews. But then there is the ever-growing “Saver” service that the airline provides which has the usual five across seating. It’s now going to be the largest cabin on all planes with Signature service being only several rows at the front of the plane. So in a way, the traditional Midwest model should be considered Premium now. How many of those taking the survey were in Saver and how many were in the original Signature seat? It’s a very different product that should be rated differently, but it isn’t.




3. And how about Frontier? They get high marks for comfort, but their comfort is changing. The airline will be adding rows of seats to its planes, trimming the seat pitch and probably ending up with a less comfortable product. Even though this was announced long ago, it probably isn’t reflected in these rankings. How many people experienced the new tighter pitch? We don’t know, but it doesn’t really matter. Comfort will be going down.




4. Then there’s the “food” rating. What exactly do people use to rate their impression of food? Midwest got highest marks but you have to pay for it on them. Continental came in a distant fourth, but it’s included for free when you fly them. Some travelers may find that the cost is more important than the actual taste, but a survey won’t give you that information.




5. Let’s also look at the opposite end of the spectrum. US Airways didn’t fare well at all in this survey, and that’s to be expected. They’ve had some well-publicized operational issues this year, but again we’re talking about a tale of two airlines here. The old US Airways passengers (primarily east coast) were used to a higher level of service that the new US Airways is not trying to maintain. Those people are unhappy with a lot of the changes that they’re seeing so they’re probably going to rank the airline much worse. Out in the west, I would bet that the US Airways passengers are happier (or less unhappy) because they’re used to the America West standard of service which is being rolled out throughout the operation. They’re probably getting closer to what they’d expect so ratings should be higher. Of course, we can’t get geographic breakdowns from Zagat so I can’t prove this at all.

So, as you can tell, airline ratings boil something down to a nice media snippet, but they don’t tell enough of the story to be very helpful. While the media will continue to eat up surveys and lists like this, we should all know better than to trust a single one of them. Every person has very different views on what makes a good airline, and only more in-depth personal research can determine what is right for you.

There were mixed reactions when JetBlue introduced its Customer Bill of Rights after the Valentine’s Day problems earlier this year. Some thought it was adequate, but others didn’t think it went far enough. Thanks to a frustrated reader’s question, I’ve found a nasty little loophole that you’ll probably want to know before your next flight.

On the 4th of July, I received an email from a reader who had been fighting with JetBlue about compensation. Some parts of the email were exactly what you’d expect to hear from someone flying out of JFK in bad weather this summer . . .

I was scheduled to depart JFK airport at 7:15 PM….At 10:09PM we boarded the plane.We sat there until 4:22AM at which time we took off. My time sitting on the plane & waiting to go down the runway was 6 hrs & 13 minutes. We took off 9 hrs & 7 minutes late.

Sounds like a normal summer day at the most painful airport in the US these days, but something struck me.

The email that I sent Jet Blue a week ago asking if we would get a flight vouched [sic] has not been responded to….I called tonight,waited an hour for a supervisor only to be quickly told that no voucher for future travel would be forthcoming…Is this right?

It certainly didn’t sound right. Actually, it sounded like a job for the Cranky Helper. (I needed a really cheesy name to go with that ridiculous picture.)

A quick trip to JetBlue’s Customer Bill of Rights seemed to back me up. The flight was delayed due to weather issues. Since that’s a “controllable irregularity,” it was obvious that the mere delay wouldn’t be worthy of compensation. But what about the 6-hour ground delay when they were stuck on the plane?

According to JetBlue, customers will be compensated for an onboard ground delay regardless of the cause. “Customers who experience an onboard Ground Delay on Departure for 4 or more hours are entitled to a Voucher good for future travel on JetBlue in the amount paid by the customer for the roundtrip (or the oneway trip, doubled).”

Bingo! Seemed like an easy one to me, so I couldn’t figure out why the reader wasn’t compensated. I decided to call the airline and find out.

JetBlue roughly agreed with the timing of the flight. A combination of thunderstorms, crew delays, and general JFK messiness saw the flight slip later and later. According to them, boarding began between 1030p and 11p, and after they found a replacement crew, the plane finally pushed back at 320a and was in the air at 422a. So at the very best, these people sat on the plane from 11p to 422a before departing for the newly-turned redye - still over a 5 hour delay and certainly eligible for compensation. Unfortunately, I made the mistake of not checking the contract of carriage (PDF).

Ground Delay, as used in Section 36 shall mean a delay involving a flight that, in the case of departures, has boarded and pushed back from the gate but that is not in air and, in the case of arrivals, has landed but has not yet arrived at a gate.

Ooooh, that’s pretty weak. So basically, they can board you but the clock won’t start on the ground delay until the plane actually pushes back. This is a huge hole in their Bill of Rights and it’s bound to anger a lot of people, including my reader. Once you board that plane, you don’t care if you’re at the gate or on the taxiway. You still aren’t getting off, and that should count as a long onboard delay.

There was a slightly happy ending to this story. After my continued prodding, JetBlue agreed to give $50 vouchers to everyone onboard that plane. In their words . . .

Although this compensation is outside the bounds of our Bill of Rights, we are happy to extend this gesture of goodwill because of the unique circumstances of this flight, and the fact that customers were asked to stay on board in anticipation of an imminent departure that kept being pushed back because of the many uncontrollable factors we’ve discussed.

That’s a nice gesture considering that under the contract of carriage they didn’t have to do anything, but it still doesn’t change the fact that this type of delay should without question be covered under the Bill of Rights. I don’t care where the plane is when you’re stuck . . . you’re still stuck. JetBlue did promise to look at this from a policy standpoint as well . . .

This issue has raised an important question that our Airports team will be examining closely: in those situations when we know a ground delay will be prolonged, how do we let customers off without delaying the flight further — for instance, if we have to locate customers in the terminal prior to the new departure time. We always want to ensure everyone’s comfort but we certainly don’t ever want to leave anyone behind.

With any luck, we’ll see a real change here, but I’m not holding my breath. I do have to say that I appreciate JetBlue’s responsiveness to my inquiries, so I’ll hold a sliver of hope that this will get changed. But for now, keep this in mind when traveling on the airline.

I know I’ve written about this in the past, but I continue to be amazed at the insanely large number of airline customer service surveys that come out. We have the Wichita St guys doing one, the University of Michigan guys doing another, and JD Power as well.

Today, Maritz Research joined the crowd saying . . . absolutely nothing exciting.

The money quote? That’d be from the director of consulting and strategic implementation at Maritz. “Competing on price is no longer an option for airlines.” Oh really? I’m sure you know best. It’s been shown time and again that price and schedule are really the two main drivers of ticket purchases. Everything else is secondary. So, you’re not going to see them stopping to compete on price any time soon, at least as long as consumers keep shopping that way.

So what did Maritz suggest? Well, the results say that airlines should add a “family section” to their planes and they should make sure they don’t allow cell phones. There has to be more than that, right?

Well, they say that 63% of people are willing to pay for extra legroom and 42% are willing to pay more for food. As far as legroom goes, some people are willing to pay extra for it. That’s why United still has Economy Plus. But when American tried to put more legroom on the whole plane, they couldn’t make it work and reversed the decision. The biggest problem with this survey? Well, just for starters, it’s too simple. How much would more would people pay? Remember, if someone is going to pay a small amount more for more legroom, there’s a decent chance that won’t make up for the lost revenue from having to remove seats from the plane. And it gets a lot more complicated than that.

Going back to the food issue, if 42% of people are willing to pay more, then what’s wrong with a buy on board model? Don’t get me wrong, I hate those stupid snack boxes. But I like the buy on board options where they have fresh food. (Delta’s Song had great stuff.) If I’m hungry, I’ll buy it. If not, I won’t.

In the end, I don’t believe most of these surveys. There’s definitely a bias between what people say they’ll do and what they will do. If you’re taking a survey, sure you’ll say you’d pay for more legroom. But when it comes time to whip that credit card out, you’re still looking at the lowest fare.

Part of this can be blamed on the way airlines sell their products. When we had PriceGrabber Travel up and running, we showed you legroom on flights, but nobody else does that so how can customers even compare? If they could compare, how much more do you think they’d be willing to pay? And how is that impacted by frequent flier program loyalty? There are far more complicated questions that need to be answered to turn these surveys into something useful. They also need to review actual consumer behavior instead of just what people are saying they’ll do.

Unfortunately, most of the surveys we see coming out these days are just fluff and can’t really help effect change.

You may have seen this press release a couple of weeks ago from US Airways. After announcing some pretty impressive first quarter earnings, they decided to talk about some of their “customer service initiatives” going forward. The only problem is that a lot of these points didn’t actually say very much. I decided to wait to write this post until I got more info from them, but it doesn’t look like there’s much more to get.

See, it appears to me that the airline was feeling the heat from the bad press they’ve received recently about poor performance and decided to rush out a list of all the initiatives they’re working on. Now, I don’t doubt they understand there are problems, but I’d rather they tell me when the problems are fixed instead of telling me what they’re going to do in the future.  No sense in raising my hopes when there’s nothing actually happening yet.

But, they did announce something, and while it was a long press release, there really wasn’t that much meat. Here is what I’ve been able to glean from the release:

• They’ve realized that they’re understaffed and they’re hiring people to work the gates, the ticket counter, and on the ramp throughout the system to get up to acceptable levels (obviously more will be focused on the hubs). This should mean shorter lines and airport staff who aren’t overworked (which hopefully means they’ll be in a better mood).

• They’re creating Passenger Operation Control centers in Charlotte, Philly, Boston, and Washington/National. I was at America West when we first created these in Phoenix, and they really are great. Basically, there is a group of people that are focused on searching for late flights coming into the hub. When they find one, they take all the people who are going to miss their connections and rebook them. If they’re stuck overnight, they give them hotel and meal vouchers as well. When you get off the plane, someone is waiting with everything you need so you don’t have to wait in line.

• They’re replacing 600 of the old US Airways kiosks with the same type used by the old America West. Find anyone who tried to fly out of Charlotte the first Sunday in March and you’ll know what this is about. The old US Airways kiosks just aren’t working right with the new system, so this will be welcome.

• Remember that $25 fee for standby on an earlier flight that I was told applied back in Charlotte? Yeah, well I thought it wasn’t true, but apparently it is. Now it’s waived for elite members. I consider this a very small step toward adding value to the elite program. I’d really like to see a waived or at least discounted change fee, but I’ll hold my breath on that one.

As you can see, these are just steps they’re taking to fix their problems, but it doesn’t mean the problems are fixed.

When we start getting to specific improvements on the planes themselves, the PR-speak gets pretty thick and the promises are more vague. Yes, there are some concrete moves here. For example, in First Class they’re bringing back glass and silverware for the meal service. That’s long overdue. But other than that, it’s full of promises for improved service, better food, and better drinks without getting into detail.

My favorite change was this: “Modify in-flight service procedures to enhance our customer’s overall experience.” What does that mean?!? Nothing to talk about yet. It could very well be important, but who really knows?

Come talk to me when the changes have been made and then maybe I’ll get excited.

Is there an echo in here? Once again, an airline is under fire for poor performance. I swear, I don’t understand why columnists bother to write these stories over and over. They could just take the first one, slap a new airline name on it, and publish it again. So who is it now? US Airways.

We knew the merger problems would catch up to them at some point, and it looks like that time is now. They’ve been running a subpar operation for some time. That combined with merger integration issues makes for one big pain in the butt for travelers. What are the specific issues this time?

According to Dawn Gilbertson over at the Arizona Republic, the top issues are “unreliable flights; few answers or slow response to questions and complaints; Web-site glitches; and reduced frequent-flier benefits, from bonus mileage to fewer first-class seats.” Of course, management knows there are problems. Travis Christ, VP of Sales & Marketing admits, “So far, [customers are] putting up with this. It’s not too late.” That may be true, but once the media starts to pile on, you better get moving quickly.

Of course, the article has the obligatory list of things that US Airways is doing to fix the problems, but you know what? I don’t care. I mean, I do care as an airline dork and former employee (5 years removed), but as a silver member in the frequent flier program, I couldn’t care less. I don’t want to know what they have to fix to get things moving right. I just want them to be fixed. Come tell me about it when all is well.

Now, since the merger I guess I’ve been lucky. I haven’t had any big operational issues. My flights on the day of the reservation system merger were on time and there weren’t long lines, probably because I was in Phoenix and not in Charlotte. Almost all of my flights have been on time, or at least close enough, and I’ve only had bags lost once. Actually, my biggest problem is trying to use the website with the Firefox browser (which is unsupported, grrr). But of course, the numbers tell that the problems are much bigger than my own.

Ok, enough of this. Let’s assume they jump on this and fix the operational mess as we know they can. That’s great, but it’s still not going to make me happy. There are much bigger fundamental issues as far as I’m concerned.

The airline is stuck between a rock and a hard place. On one side, they have the old US Airways loyalists. These are people who want the full service treatment that comes with an old legacy carrier. On the other side, they have the old America West base which just wants things to be consistent and stay essentially the same as they were before US Airways showed up. Neither of them are going to be pleased.

For the old US Airways loyalists, they’re facing the realities of their airline trying to be a low cost carrier. Yes, there are fewer first class seats, and yes, there are fewer frequent flier perks. That’s part of the transformation process, and it’s going to drive some people away. For the old America West people like me, we’ve seen a lot more elite members show up from the other side and that makes it tougher to use our own benefits.

When it comes to being elite, I don’t care about the priority security lines (the regular ones don’t tend to be THAT long), or the priority check-in lines (I do it at home). I care primarily about first class upgrades. Well, since I became silver over a year ago, I’ve flown on 15 flights (excluding partners), and I’ve only been upgraded twice. Once was from Vegas to LA and the other from Phoenix to LA. Yippee. Only 10 of those flights even had first class sections since I was on regional jets for the rest.

So now I have to sit back and think about this. Why should I continue to be loyal to US Airways? Being in LA, I have plenty of options. I do a lot of traveling to Phoenix to see my family, and I have the usual trips to Vegas, the Bay Area, and Indianapolis. That leaves me with United or Southwest as being viable possibilities.

First I need to decide what exactly I’m getting from US Airways. Well, I get to fly out of Long Beach, which I do enjoy. But other than that, I get 31″ seat pitch (a proxy for legroom) and no amenities that really matter to me. Yeah I like a movie, but it’s not going to sway my decision.

If I switch my allegiance to United, at least I could sit in Economy Plus every time. That would at least get me a few more inches of legroom. And I could listen to air traffic control on Channel 9. That’s better than a movie any day! I could even continue to fly US Airways and earn United elite qualifying miles. The only difference is that I wouldn’t be able to upgrade on US Airways. If I’m not getting upgrades anyway, then this doesn’t seem like a hard decision to make between the two.

Or I could go with Southwest. These guys can get me to the Bay Area, Vegas, and Phoenix just about every 5 minutes. I get a inch or two more legroom than I get on US Airways, and I’ll always get a window if I get my A boarding pass. I can make changes to my itinerary without a change fee, and if I need to cancel a trip, the money just goes back into a credit that I can use in the future. Again, there’s no penalty, and I appreciate the flexibility.

So what does this mean? Well, I can’t say I speak for every silver member, but there have to be others like me. I’m loyal to US Airways for the free upgrades and convenient flight schedules. Since United and Southwest can offer similar schedules, it comes down to the upgrade. If they become harder to come by thanks to promotions that swell the ranks of elites combined with fewer first class seats, my reasons to stay loyal become less clear.

Sure, the top tier of elites will stick around. Those are the guys who get the upgrades. But the silver members may get more frustrated and begin to desert. US Airways is at a crossroads right now where the actual value they deliver to customers is being diminished. That concerns me more than the operational problems which I know they can fix.

I really haven’t gotten very cranky lately, but an experience this weekend put me back in the cranky mood. My girlfriend and I decided to use miles on United to go to Hawai’i. We had to book separately since we used our own mileage accounts. We walked through the process simultaneously online, but in the end mine went through and hers didn’t. The website said to contact United reservations due to technical issues, so I did. That’s where the problem began. Here is an approximate transcript of the three different conversations it took to get things fixed.

United Rep #1 (with heavy Indian accent): Hi this is Mark, can I have your name?
Me: Yes, it’s Brett
“Mark” (I hate that they use fake Americanized names - never good to start off with a lie): Ok Mr Brett, how can I help you?
Me: I got booked but my girlfriend didn’t. Help me.
“Mark”: I checked and there are no more seats available, sorry Mr Brett.
Me: That’s great, but I’m not going to Hawai’i alone. Are there other flights with two seats available?
“Mark”: Yes Mr Brett
Me: Can you change it?
“Mark”: No Mr Brett. You’ll have to go online and request a refund. That will take 7 to 10 days.
Me (After checking online and seeing that I’m not allowed to request Mileage Plus refunds online): It says I can’t do it online and I have to call you.
“Mark”: No Mr Brett, you have to do it online.
Me: Ok, this is ridiculous. Let me talk to your supervisor
“Mark”: Ok Mr Brett (puts me on terminal hold)
“Mark” (after 10 minutes of listening to Rhapsody in Blue): Mr Brett, my supervisor is still busy but I talked to the support desk and I’m happy to tell you that there are two options. One, you can use double the miles for a standard award or two, you can buy a ticket.
Me: You’re kidding, right? I’m not doing that. Give me a refund.
“Mark”: You have to go online for that Mr Brett
Me: Arrgggggggghhhhhh. Give me the number for Mileage Plus directly.
“Mark”: Ok Mr Brett

<click>

So now I’m mad, and I dial Mileage Plus. after 25 minutes of waiting Rhapsody in Blue has been firmly planted in my head. Finally, another Indian agent answers.

United Rep #2 (again with heavy Indian accent): This is Deanne, how can I help you?
Me: I hate everyone. Please help me.
Deanne: What seems to be the problem sir?
Me: I just want to fly to Hawai’i with my girlfriend
Deanne: I’m sorry sir but there are no seats available on those dates on any flights
Me: The last guy told me there were seats but he couldn’t change me. This sucks. Just give me my miles back.
Deanne: Ok, that’ll cost you $100 to have them redeposited
Me: You’ve got to be kidding me! I just booked these and there was a problem. You should be able to refund these for no charge.
Deanne: Hold please
(While I’m listening to Rhapsody yet again and whistling along, I pull up the United customer service plan saying that any tickets can be refunded within 24 hours of purchase. Armed with this, I’m just waiting to pounce.)
Deanne: Ok, I can refund it for free. Just hold.
Me: Ok (somewhat dejected that I don’t get to pounce)
Deanne keeps typing for literally 10 minutes asking me periodic questions about billing addresses, etc and then . . .

<click>

She friggin’ hangs up on me! So not cool. I call back and miraculously someone answers quickly. This time she doesn’t have an Indian accent.

United Rep #3: Hi this is Phoebe can I help you?
Me: I think I’m beyond help, but please try
Phoebe: Ok, I see your reservation was canceled but your miles weren’t redeposited. Did you want those redeposited?
Me: No, I was hoping you could just keep them in the canceled reservations. YES, I WANT THE MILES REDEPOSITED!
Phoebe: Ok, thanks for flying United.

At this point, my miles did actually go back to my account, I went back online and booked different flights on that same day with availability. That took 1 minute.

This is certainly not a problem that only United faces. As my girlfriend pointed out after this whole debacle, the advent of having to pay to make a reservation on the phone means that a large portion of the simple reservations have been pushed online. That means that people calling the reservations phone lines are generally facing a problem and need some real help. Of course, people tend to remember the customer service when things go wrong a lot more often than when things go right. With that in mind, you would think that the front line reservationists would be really important for the airline’s image, but sadly that’s not the way airlines perceive it.

Instead the airlines are cutting back on their reservations teams. Many airlines have outsourced at least some of their reservations functions to third parties either domestically or more likely abroad. There are three fundamental problems in reservations offices these days that need to be addressed.

First, adding new employees without adequate training is a recipe for disaster. “Mark” didn’t seem to have a full understanding of what the rules were and that really frustrated me. Then again, I don’t think training alone would have fixed the problem.

Second, there is the issue of empowerment. Front lines agents no longer have the ability to do anything beyond what the rulebooks say. If something doesn’t fall into a category in the rulebook, you’re not getting anywhere. If the airlines don’t want to empower their agents (probably because they haven’t trained them well), they need to make it easy to reach an empowered supervisor when problems arise. In my experience with many airlines, if there is a supervisor around, it’s tough to get them on the phone. When you do, you generally can’t get things resolved anyway, because even they aren’t empowered to help.

Third, there is the issue of empathy. Outsourcing has brought on a whole new level of problems that didn’t exist before. It is certainly hard to relate to people trying to help you with a reservation to Omaha when they have no idea where Omaha is even located. I’ve heard stories about agents suggesting San Francisco as an alternate airport to Los Angeles. I would be surprised if anyone in North America would make that mistake. It’s even harder to relate to someone who has never flown on the airline and possibly never flown at all. They just don’t have the ability to empathize with the problems that travelers face, and that makes getting problems resolved very difficult.

I think about airlines like Southwest which still have their call centers in house and their agents are empowered. I have never had a problem that couldn’t be resolved relatively quickly with a Southwest agent. I imagine that every agent has traveled on the airline and many travel frequently. They know what people are facing and they can empathize. It’s never as frustrating talking to them. I understand part of that is because Southwest’s rules tend to be simpler, but it’s also due to the empathy, empowerment, and training that enables them to do their jobs well. The other airlines need to realize how important those three things can be.