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Topic of the Week: The True Meaning of Thanksgiving

I hope you’re all filled with turkey and stuffing after yesterday. Now, let’s talk about how your trip out was. Did you get stuck in any long lines? Bad weather? Horrible delays? Or did everything go just fine? Robert Stack is once again here to give his take on the True Meaning of Thanksgiving. Did you have a more productive holiday than he did?

Dear traveler,

A magical time of year is in sight. For while many eagerly await holiday celebrations and family gatherings, a select few will come to know the True Meaning of Thanksgiving.

Thanksgiving is not a time to give thanks.

Thanksgiving is a time to get bumped.

For many, it is time to fly. Fares are high and airports are crowded, but the short Thanksgiving holiday with its front loaded festivities drives droves of people to fight for their right to fly there and back.

But it is not easy. For everyone–man, woman, child, and elderly–possesses, deep within, a heart of darkness. And it is this new discovery by the Transportation Security Administration that leads us to new Thanksgiving traditions: X-raying, remote nude viewing, touching, feeling, groping, and humiliating so many who wish to leave such experiences in their distant memories. The devotee of the bump must gird for this new hurdle to reach their true goal. But only by passing through adversity can one appreciate the rewards that await at the other side of the checkpoint. For any holiday meals are best
savored by getting bumped to the day after Thanksgiving, if not the day after that, with freebies stacked high in hand.

Alas, some who have found the True Meaning of Thanksgiving, years past, can become disillusioned. Not every holiday flight oversells, and not every airline at every airport fills the halls with cries for volunteers. Oh, but I am one of those who has lost his way. For after some lean, voucher free Thanksgivings, I am sinking to a new low: I will stay home. No travels, no airports, no junk waiting to be touched, no airplanes, and, sadly, no bumping. There must be others who are felled by the same sad tale. Those who know and follow the path to riches must help the fallen find their way, so that more may reaffirm the
joyous bounty that comes with this glorious season.

With fine flying wishes,


Links to The True Meaning of Thanksgiving, years past:

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