A couple weeks ago, I mentioned that I had a credit on United that I was only able to partially use. The remaining $32.40 from the credit was mailed to me. At the time, I said, “Let’s forget about how ridiculous it is that United can’t handle this transaction online and just appreciate the fact that the airline actually, adequately served me via their phone reservations team.” I think it’s time to revisit that point.

Airlines always like to tout how much they can save with new technology, new procedures, etc, but clearly, at least on United, there are still some areas where technology is vintage, to say the least. I booked my new ticket over the phone, but for the remaining $32.40 credit, I received a shockingly large ten page “travel document” that had only one page that mattered to me. Five of these pages were printed on thick, expensive cardstock. The combined costs of paper, printing, labor, and shipping has to be astronomical for something other airlines can effortlessly handle on line.

I know it’s not a simple task, but if you’re really looking to move people online and reduce your costs, this is an incredibly obvious place to look. Here’s a fun-filled tour through the document.

The first page is just the cover, which has reservation telephone numbers on the reverse. I’m surprised it doesn’t include how to reach United by telegraph or morse code.

The second page just thanks me for choosing United and tells me what vouchers are enclosed. Oh thank you. I couldn’t have figured that out on my own, and now I feel good about it.

The third page is the only one that matters. This is my voucher for $32.40.

The fourth page has my voucher terms and conditions. It is my least favorite page, because it tells me exactly how hard United has made it for me to redeem this. Yes, I’ll have to wait in line at the ticket counter if I want to use this. Oh, I could go to a travel agency, but for a simple air ticket purchase, the agency fee will wipe out at least half my voucher’s worth.

The fifth page has my itinerary for the flight I booked using the other part of the credit. Yes, I could easily look this up online and I got an email as well. But just in case the world melts down, I have a paper itinerary as well.

The sixth page is my e-ticket passenger receipt. It’s just a receipt that, as far as I can tell, has no useful information that I can’t get online if I needed it.

The seventh page is where you start to fall asleep. This one just has conditions of contract. It’s pre-printed legalese.

The eight page has more conditions of contract. Hey, wake up. Seriously. I’m almost done.

The ninth page has notices of limitations of liability and overbooking. I’m sure this needs to go out with every ticket that’s paper, but remember, I didn’t want paper in the first place.

The tenth, and final, page is the most interesting. Wait. That’s crap. This one is the back cover and has info on dangerous goods, baggage, and check-in. Oh thank you for telling me all this.

How is it possible that this sort of waste still exists? I emailed United asking if there were timelines to automate this process, but I have yet to hear back.

Update 4/9 @ 1146a: United spokesperson Robin Urbanski confirmed that there are plans to make this electronic. I’m still checking to see if there’s a timeline.

Environmentalists aren’t going to be happy to hear that the so-called “eco tax” imposed by the Dutch government is going away. Why? It’s all about the numbers.

The tax ranged from 11 euros to 45 euros depending upon the length of your flight. It was supposed to raise about 300 million euros a year, but an official report says it will end up costing the economy more than 1.3 billion euros. At a time when economies around the world are scrambling to find revenues, ditching the tax was a pretty obvious result.

So did people really just stop traveling over a few euros? Nah. I’m sure there was some of that, but the problem was that people could easily hop a border into Belgium or Germany where there was no tax. In an area where distances are short, trains are fast, and there are no controlled border crossings, this tax is just a really dumb idea. Instead of saving the environment, the Dutch hurt their own economy and shifted traffic elsewhere. Brilliant.

So is this the end of the eco tax? I doubt it. My guess is that in the short haul, while the world is trying to claw out of a recession, there won’t be a ton of interest in increasing taxes that will end up hurting the economy, but that’s a short term issue. In the long run, all this does is make it clear that at least an EU-wide solution and potentially a global one is necessary instead of an individual country-sponsored one.

There are still taxes in the UK and Ireland, but those may survive since it’s a lot harder to cross a border to avoid flying from there. Italy has one too, but well, that’s Italy. I can never figure out what they’re going to do over there, and it’s usually the opposite of what I would do.

You should probably consider this a temporary reprieve. One of these days, we’ll see an EU-wide or global scheme to try to address this issue (beyond the EU ETS proposal scheduled for 2012), but that will be at least a couple years away.

Alliance Panel at the Phoenix Aviation Symposium
The alliances discussion was one of the more interesting panels, I thought. The talk centered around why and even if alliances are worthwhile.

Modernizing the Fleet: Phoenix Aviation Symposium
So when is the right time to buy new airplanes? Credit is hard to come by and people are waiting for new technology. When will that happen?

Aircraft Manufacturers, Regulators Fight Over the Environment
A discussion on the environment turned heated as everyone tried to discuss the best way to make things better. Unsurprisingly, there was no consensus.

The Importance of American’s Wi-fi Announcement
American’s decision to expand wireless internet to most of its domestic fleet is a very important one for the US airline industry. And that’s good news for travelers.

JetBlue’s President and COO Russ Chew Talks About the Airline’s Transformation
I didn’t just sit down with JetBlue CEO Dave Barger last week. I also spoke with Russ Chew to talk about the airline’s internal transformation.

Have you ever dreamed of fame and fortune? Well, if you’re willing to settle for a very tiny (and I mean tiny) slice of fame and absolutely no fortune (trust me), I’ve got an offer for you. How would you like to write a guest post for Cranky?

After more than two and a half years of nearly nonstop posting, I’m taking a much-needed break. My wife and I are taking our two-week, slightly delayed honeymoon starting next weekend, and I was planning on just going dark on the blog for the first time. But why go dark if someone else might like to write something?

So I lined up a few friends and colleagues who were interested in writing, but then I thought I’d throw it up to all of you, my readers. If you’re interested, here are the details. Note that not every post submitted will go live.

• Posts can be about anything related to airlines or airports, preferably something of interest to customers and not just airline employees.
• Posts can not be more than 800 words.
• You can include images as long as you’ve created them, altered them significantly, or they are in the public domain. They must be in JPG, GIF, or PNG format and you have to send them with your post.
• Your post must be submitted by the end of the day Monday, April 6.
• Send your post to cf@crankyflier.com with the subject containing the words “Guest Post.”
• In addition to the post, please submit a short (35 word max) bio for publication below the post. This can include links to your site or any site you would like to promote.
• If your post is chosen to be published, you will receive no compensation. Again, if it’s chosen to be published, you grant me the exclusive, non-revocable right to use this post and any images in perpetuity.
• I reserve the right to make spelling and grammatical fixes without notifying you. Any other changes will not be made without your approval

Sound like fun? Well get writing. You only have until the end of the day Monday to get it in. I will choose at least one and maybe multiple posts for publication, assuming people actually submit them, that is. When you’re done, send to cf@crankyflier.com with the subject containing the words “Guest Post.” Happy writing!

If it seems like it’s been a long time since my last trip report, it’s because it has been. I haven’t been on a plane since December, believe it or not, but it’s about to get a lot busier. Last week, I had to be in both Dallas and Phoenix, so it was time to hit the road. And the theme for the week was . . . wind.

First up, Southwest flew me out to Dallas, as you’ve already read on this blog before. Thanks to the kooky Wright Amendment settlement, I can now get a ticket from LA to Dallas on Southwest, but I have to stop somewhere. And thanks to Southwest’s antiquated travel pass setup, I had to actually go pick up a paper ticket at the airport. I haven’t done that in a long time. For an airline that handles e-ticketing so well, this was really surprising. I was at the airport the day before, so I picked up the ticket and checked in for my flight. Yep, with these paper tickets you can’t check in online either.

I decided not to have a repeat of my last Southwest trip, so I wanted to get the airport early this time. Even stranger, I decided to take public transit. I’ve always shied away from taking public transit to LAX because it doesn’t go directly into the airport, but this gave me a good chance to try it. Two trains, a shuttle bus, $2.50, and about an hour later, I was there. That’s only about 30 minutes longer than driving.

The line for security was long, but I didn’t care at this point. I made it through and went to the strange gate 2 which is wedged in on the side behind the US Airways club. The waiting area was packed, so I assumed this was going to be a full flight. I was right.

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March 23, 2009
Southwest #41 Lv Los Angeles (LAX) 1015a Arr El Paso (ELP) 105p
LAX: Gate 2, Runway 24L, Dept 15m Late
ELP: Gate B4, Runway 22, Arr 5m Late
Aircraft: N611SW, Boeing 737-3H4, Canyon Blue Colors, 100% Full
Seat: 22A
Flight Time: 1h18m

I was a middle B number due to my late check-in, so I watched as people walked onboard. The flight was oversold, but they found plenty of volunteers. I did get on and happily grabbed one of the last windows toward the back. As usual, it was a quick taxi and we were airborne, but the effects of the previous day’s storm were still being felt. It was a bumpy climb into the clear blue sky, and people actually gasped around me at some of the drops. But the winds meant that we had a beautiful day in LA. You can see Palos Verdes and much of the Santa Monica Bay at right.

Once we were at altitude, it was an easy flight over. Nintendo’s PR guys recently sent me a DS along with the puzzle game Professor Layton and the Curious Village, and I have to admit that it made the time fly by. Once we descended toward El Paso, the winds started howling to the point where our approach made our LAX departure look like it was calm. Of course, we landed safely and taxied to the gate.

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March 23, 2009
Southwest #41 Lv El Paso (ELP) 125p Arr Dallas/Love Field (DAL) 400p
ELP: Gate B4, Runway 26L, Dept 7m Late
DAL: Gate 6, Runway 13L, Arr 2m Early
Aircraft: N611SW, Boeing 737-3H4, Canyon Blue Colors, ~99% Full
Seat: 11A
Flight Time: 1h06m

The best part of a Southwest through-flight is that once everyone gets off, you have your pick of seats. There were actually 42 passengers traveling through to Dallas, but I was able to snag 11A, the revered exit row window seat. We loaded up and got on our way. I’m not sure how they decided to build this airport, but as we turned on the runway, I noticed our nose was pointed directly at a mountain. We took off into the chop and then turned around for our ride to Dallas.

Again, it was an uneventful flight of about the same time, but by the time we got to Dallas, it had clouded up. The captain had the flight attendants button up a little early because once again, there were strong winds. This one was a piece of cake compared to our El Paso adventure, and I tried to get my lay of the land as we went toward the gate. See, this was my first trip to Love Field.

I’ve already written about my excellent boondoggle with Southwest here. I stayed an extra night to have dinner with a friend, and flew out way too early the next morning.

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March 25, 2009
Southwest #703 Lv Dallas/Love Field (DAL) 750a Arr Albuquerque (ABQ) 840a
DAL: Gate 7, Runway 31R, Dept 2m Late
ABQ: Gate A5, Runway 3, Arr On-Time
Aircraft: N375SW, Boeing 737-3H4, Canyon Blue Colors, ~50% Full
Seat: 4F
Flight Time: 1h31m

During my tour of the airport that day before, I checked myself in. I had an A number for my first flight but a B for my second. Bummer. I actually thought about doing an old-school Southwest run by flying to Lubbock, then Albuquerque, but I decided I’d just skip Lubbock and connect in Albuquerque instead.

This flight was relatively light, and I had plenty of room to spread out. It was cloudy most of the way until we left Texas, and then the blue skies opened up and we descended into Albuquerque, where the winds were surprisingly not bad at all. I had to quickly hop off in order to make my short, 25 minute connection.

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March 25, 2009
Southwest #483 Lv Albuquerque (ABQ) 905a Arr Phoenix (PHX) 925a
ABQ: Gate A8, Runway 8, Dept 7m Late
PHX: Gate C7, Runway 8, Arr 10m Late
Aircraft: N629SW, Boeing 737-3H4, Silver One Special Colors, ~99% Full
Seat: 15B
Flight Time: 54m

Once I got the new gate, boarding hadn’t even begun, so I looked around for a seat. Not finding one nearby, I wandered to the window and saw that we were riding on Silver One, the plane celebrating the airline’s 25th anniversary. It appears to be Gray One these days instead of Silver, but I’m told that was done for paint reasons.

This flight was packed, and I got stuck in the middle next to a fairly big guy. Fortunately, it was a short flight and I filled myself with honey roasted peanuts (at left). I tried to sleep but I couldn’t, so I just read. I finally started to doze but then it was time to descend and I didn’t get much sleep at all before landing.

While in Phoenix for the aviation symposium, the winds really kicked up. It got so bad on Thursday night that the airport was actually shut down for awhile. Sadly for us, we had an outdoor dinner that night. It didn’t go as well as they would have hoped. By the end of the weekend, I was ready to get home.

I bought my ticket home on United for $59, as mentioned before, and after later finding out the flight was oversold, I felt lucky to get it for so cheap.

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March 29, 2009
United #6321 Lv Phoenix (PHX) 850a Arr Los Angeles (LAX) 1016a
PHX: Gate 3, Runway 7L, Dept 1m Late
LAX: Gate 83, Runway 25L, Arr 6m Early
Aircraft: N959SW, Bombardier CRJ-200, Gray Colors, 100% Full
Seat: 6D
Flight Time: 1h4m

I fully expected that a Sunday morning during the busy March season was going to be insane, so I got to the airport extra early. As usually happens in situations like this, I didn’t need to. I hadn’t flown out of Terminal 2 in Phoenix for many years, and I was happy to see that they gutted the restaurant on the west side and created a much more functional security area than existed in the past. It wasn’t necessary today though, because I just sailed through.

With time to kill, I popped open my laptop and blogged. Kudos are definitely due to Phoenix for offering very fast and free wi-fi throughout the airport. Once I found a power outlet, I was happy. Our plane arrived on time, and we boarded what was my first 50 seat regional jet in awhile. It was just as cramped as I remembered.

The flight itself was uneventful, but it was annoying. You know when there’s a high, thin cloud layer and you happen to just sit in it the whole time? That was what happened to us. For someone who likes to stare out the window like me, that was a true bummer. We descended into LAX as the clouds cleared out, but then we came down through the marine layer before touching down a little early at Terminal 8.

I walked out and took a strange side door that dumps you at the east end of the arrivals level, my wife picked me up, and I was on my way home.